When is a stall not a stall?

SW ⟫ CW ⟫ GW

207.7 ⟫ 180.4 ⟫ 168.2

Ozempic ⟫ 0.5 mg

Sunday morning and I find myself wondering if it’s time to titrate up to the next level of Ozempic. I think the rate of loss has slowed down. Looking through the weigh ins for the end of April, I’ve been teetering around 180.4 for at least a couple of weeks now. I don’t think it would actually be called a stall or plateau – I think for that label, it needs to be going on for a few weeks at least. But there is something inside me that thinks for all of the side effects I am dealing with, I should be seeing regular loss and a couple of weeks at the same place doesn’t seem fair? I’m not sure that’s the right word. I know that 0.5 mg is not the highest level and based on my reading, most people actually start seeing the real loss once they get up to 1 mg.

There are a couple of problems with the idea of moving up to a higher level.

1) Getting a doctor’s appointment is difficult. It’s not impossible but it can mean a fair few frustrating mornings on the telephone.

2) I don’t know how difficult it is to get hold of the 1mg level of Ozempic. We’ve had issues enough getting hold of the 0.5 mg on a regular basis and I don’t want to make things worse. Supply issues are a huge concern.

3) Most people seem to say if you are losing weight on the lowest level, then stay there. There’s little to no point in moving to a higher dosage if you are getting results from where you are. It just gives you less wiggle room in terms of managing the medication.

4) The side effects. I have got a hold on the side effects or at least I know what to expect. I can’t imagine moving to a higher dosage and finding that the vomiting, diarrhoea, constipation ramp up. This last week, I haven’t really suffered from them too much and can’t see myself wanting to go through all of that again.

5) Finally, the effect on my mental health. This is a struggle – this is hard. Anyone thinking using semaglutide is taking the easy way out needs to go through just a fortnight of the side effects to realise that obese people are paying the price for having to use these products – it’s not an easy road to travel, is hard physically and mentally. It could just be that my body is holding on to water; it could be too many sweets – Maom are the devil; it could just be the swings and roundabouts of losing weight – it’s very rarely a straight line from start to finish.

I guess a big part of the issue is that I feel like I am very much doing this alone. I haven’t spoken to a doctor in months (apart from when the switch to Ozempic and the issue getting hold of it) so I don’t have anyone to talk about this too. I can’t put this onto Stripes because she is dealing with her own things and she has no experience of this. She can sympathise and listen, which she always does, but she can’t make the decision for me.

Stripes took my face photos and I asked her if there was a difference. She said that it can be seen around my jawline, which is cool. But I still couldn’t bring myself to ask to see the photos because I don’t think I would see a difference and that would mess with my head.

I was meant to go for my diabetic eye screening on Friday, had my outfit all planned out and everything. I didn’t go – my stomach was feeling ‘rumbly’ and I didn’t want to be out of the house if things were about to go nuclear. But now I find myself wondering if I was just looking for an excuse not to go out. Getting dressed – bra, dress, clothes in general and being seen outside all makes how far I have to go very real. That sounds daft but – I live in jimjams. Elastic waisted, comfortable, things fit where they touch and that’s about it. I’m not dressed for company and because I don’t go out, I don’t have to think about how people might see me. Going out – even just to the opticians – means being seen by various people. An uber, the high street getting out of the car, manoeuvring around the opticians – it’s all a bit much when I am feeling so big. Added to which, I might have lost 60 lbs but the people on the street don’t know that – they just see me the way I am now. Which is super morbidly obese – taking up huge amounts of space; on crutches and feeling like I’ve just let myself go. They don’t know about the time spent in the bathroom, the saying no to things, the head stuff. They just see the hugely fat black woman staggering around on crutches.

Or maybe they don’t even see that. Maybe I’m invisible as a woman, as a real person, because I don’t fit any image of attractiveness. Although why I want people to find me attractive is beyond me – I am not on the lookout for a relationship of any kind. I think I really need to get back to doing the head-work. Not having the next mantra section has given me a ‘get out of jail card free’ kinda thing – I have access to the workbooks online, but it’s easier not to do the work when it’s not a piece of paper in front of me.

Just re-reading all of that makes me think that moving up a dosage isn’t where I’m at. I think I just need to eat as cleanly as I can, drink water and try to move around and trust the process. If the scales are still refusing to move by the end of the month, then I’ll make a doctor’s appointment and talk to them about moving up a dosage. In the meantime, I shall work on the idea of if it isn’t broken, don’t try to fix it. And get my butt in gear and do some of the mental work. Maybe today – I have two ARCs left to read, but I’ve written a chapter of Pink Moon and the review for the last ARC I finished this morning. That’s enough to be going on with.