Mashables Week - Day 5

SW⟫ 207.7 | CW⟫ 156.6|

Mashables/Soft Foods Week⟫ Day 5

I’ve now had two days of a LOT of sleep! Yesterday, I woke up in time to see the Oldest as they had come to pick up Stripes. It was absolutely lovely to see her and get a hug, very special. Then Book_grim and I had a chilled day. I crashed out for a good four hours and we both went to bed around 2 am. Well, she went to her room – I don’t know if she went to sleep.

This morning, I woke up around 8.30 as I needed the bathroom and made sure to call Book_grim so that she would feed the cats. Then I went back to sleep!! I think some of it is that I am sleeping on my side which is my preferred sleeping position, which means I sleep better. The bad side of that is how much I ache once I wake up and have to move. It feels like my insides have been tumbling around and is really uncomfortable. I don’t sleep nearly as well when I sleep sitting up so it’s a choice to make I guess.

It’s my writing day so I decided to go through all of the book reviews I have done over the past year and collate them all together. I had no idea I had written quite so many reviews, but it was great because I found a few books that should be a due a sequel, as well as ones that already have a sequel but got lost in my to-be-read pile. Stripes is on her way home and Book-grim has work tonight, so I think I’m going to log off from everything and just spend a bit of time with both of them before I crash out to sleep again!

I haven’t done too well food-wise today. I had a scrambled egg but couldn’t finish it; a slice of turkey with some stuffing and gravy and I just about finished the slice of turkey. I might try to have a smoothie or something just to get more protein, etc in but I am feeling pretty full. Water is doing better – I’m using a straw with my old water bottle and it seems to be preventing me swallowing too much air. I read a few people on Reddit say that it helped them reach their water goals and didn’t cause too much gas so thought I would give it a go. So far, so good.

Tomorrow marks four weeks exactly to the day that I had the VSG so I will try to do a round-up of my losses and how I’m feeling.

Scale Victory - 50 kgs lost!

SW⟫ 207.7 | CW⟫ 157.3 |

Mashables/Soft Foods Week⟫ Day 3

I did it – I lost 50 kgs! Definitely chuffed although I’m also completely and utterly exhausted. I didn’t fall asleep until 7 am and woke up around 12 and have been dragging all day. I had a shower and put on my Christmas jimjams which feel really odd because I can’t think of the last time I actually bought ‘female’ pyjamas – they fit weird. I bought them in size 28/30 and they do fit, but they just feel too ‘close’, I can’t think of another way to describe it. Mind you, I am running the mother of all temperatures and have passed out a couple of times. When will this cold be done with me?

Today, I had my Christmas dinner: a slice of turkey, a small ball of stuffing, some mashed potatoes and gravy. I managed about 2/3 of the turkey, 1/3 of the stuffing and maybe a mouthful of the potatoes. Later, I had half a minced pie and a taste of the girls’ cheesecake. This is most definitely the most I’ve eaten since before surgery and I am feeling the need for the post-dinner nap!

Spoke to Mom and Shar who were spending Christmas together, left messages for other people but have generally not been online and am fine with that. We can get back to outside life when the holidays are over! I got some money for Christmas as well as my resistance bands, so may treat myself to some clothes in the sales. Then again, it might be worth me waiting until my birthday when I have a better idea of what size clothes to go for? To be fair, I don’t go out very often so don’t need much in the way of clothing – it would make more sense to save the money until I need it for something particular.

Stripes is off to spend some time with her Dad’s side of the family tomorrow so it will just be me and Book_grim until Friday. Gotta admit, my plans for tomorrow consist of sleep, reading and more sleep – I am aiming to sleep like Dmi and Castiel for the day, treat it like getting some shut-eye is my job!

Mashables Week - Day 2

SW⟫ 207.7 | CW⟫ 157.9 |

Mashables/Soft Foods Week⟫ Day 2

Yeah, the scales went down but talk about tease – 0.2 away from being at 50 kgs off. This cold isn’t going anywhere, I had a crap night’s sleep, and I haven’t really enjoyed anything I’ve eaten today. I wonder if I am eating too much because sometimes there is a horrendous ache in my upper chest after eating. Not that I’m getting in my protein, water or anything really. Eggs, all bran, chicken stew and half a smoothie.

Christmas dinner has a lot of expectations to meet but I am preparing myself for disappointment! Fuck it, I didn’t even think I was going to make it to Christmas Day – I’m aiming for a day of gratitude, relaxation and love – I wish the same to anyone reading this!

Mashables Week - Day 1

SW⟫ 207.7 | CW⟫ 158.2 |

Mashables/Soft Foods Week⟫ Day 1

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed at the lack of movement on the scales – I was really hoping to hit 50kgs off. I know I can still do it before the end of the year, but for some reason I was so sure that it was going to happen today.

Today began mashables/soft foods and both Stripes and I are feeling a little adrift without a paddle. The Bariatric bible says what kinds of foods to make but it doesn’t really seem to say meals which means it can feel a bit like lobbing a group of foods together and hoping they taste good!

Today, I have had two scrambled eggs, a coconut and peach smoothie, some all bran, chicken stew and milk. That kinda looks like five meals in the day – kinda. I suffered from some pretty epic diarrhoea today – it reminded me of shortly after the surgery when it felt like my body was doing some major inner cleansing. I can’t even begin to figure out what may have kicked it off – maybe the smoothie? Not enough protein in it or something? Anyway, yet another reason why I was so hopeful about dropping that half a kilo but it was not to be.

I had a rough night’s sleep last night – was up at 3 am and writing to Jay, just spewing out all of my thoughts. Here are a couple of the essays I wrote!

1) 3am in the morning and I'm wide awake - couldn't tell you why, just that I'm not best pleased about it! I think today may well be the first time that I have actively regretted the surgery. When I was using Ozempic, I still felt like I had a lot of control - if I wanted to eat something 'bad', I could make that choice knowing the consequences (generally a very upset stomach, occasional vomiting, cramps, etc.) whereas this all feels very confusing, I feel lost and like I have no control. There are times when I can drink some of a smoothie and I'm fine - other times, just one sip makes everything clench and hurt; sipping liquids is so unsatisfying sometimes - sometimes I miss the ability to glug down water when I'm feeling thirsty.

2) I also find myself comparing myself to other people. On Ozempic, it could be very lonely because basically the Dr writes the prescription and off you go. Losses and gains are all personal because everyone is eating differently, so it's harder to compare yourself. I've been on Reddit a few times and seen people who have lost 66lbs in two months and I can't help but compare my results with that. I know that it's early days - I know that it's only been three weeks and I've lost just under a stone so I should be happy. I just feel like - could I have done this carrying on with Ozempic? It's a weird place to be. My incisions feel like they're tugging - not painful, just not quite right - and this cold just won't go away which is making things worse. Today I snapped at Nina because she was crunching her crisps too loudly. I apologised and explained that I was going through some head stuff, but I just feel so ruddy awful. I know it can and will get better - maybe I need to sleep sitting up more often to help with the tugging? Tomorrow I start mashable food so the change in food will be nice. I just - I just feel a bit blank, a lot lost, and very sorry for myself.

I finally crashed out but in order to do so, I had to sleep upright using the giant cushion thing I bought. It definitely helps with the pain and discomfort but I would hardly call it comfortable. We’re talking about turning my mattress over when we change my bedding for my Christmas stuff – maybe that will help? My incisions are surrounded by little forests of white-heads, most likely from the Vaseline I’ve been using to keep them moist and both Stripes and Book_grim managed to stop me from trying to pop them. I think they are where most of the itching is coming from and it’s so aggravating but I don’t want to put anything else on them as apparently using Germolene or Savlon or whatever can make the incisions get all gunked up which I definitely do not want. Tomorrow I want a nice long shower – moisturise all the bits I can comfortably reach and maybe paint my fingernails and toenails. Do my bit to get festive!

The shop is due from Asda which includes a shit-ton of flavoured Green yoghurt, as well some more mango puree which I have missed – the peaches didn’t hit the spot at all, giving more of a fragrance than a taste. I also ordered a bariatric air fryer cookbook that includes recipes that might help us plan meals a bit better. It won’t get here until Friday as I missed the last Christmas deliveries but to be fair, the next few days have meals sorted: the remaining chicken stew Stripes made today, as well as the ‘traditional’ Christmas dinner.

Tonight is the last night Book_grim is working before Christmas so tomorrow should (hopefully) be quite relaxing. Stripes has the second part of the baking for her Dad’s side of the family to be getting on with and I have a couple of books to read, as well as starting to watch ‘Luke Cage’ on Disney+ - maybe watching Mike Colter will put me in a good mood!