First week of October 2024

SW ⟫ 207.7 | CW ⟫ 172.3 |

Ozempic: ⟫ 1 mg

So what have I been up to? Well, I set up a new spreadsheet because my old one was getting ‘creaky’. It would freeze when I tried to go to different sheets or charts and I guess it makes sense – there’s a year’s worth of data in it. So I set up a new one, streamlining things a bit and now including my BMI.

The scales are still being stubborn. I can’t figure out if it’s because I’ve been doing the resistance bands every other day and possibly I’m retaining water? My eating hasn’t changed that much although there has been an absolute obsession with cheese sandwiches when I’ve vaped my medicinal weed. I think I may need to adjust what I’m eating for dinner to include the craving because it’s not going anywhere – I did try to keep something aside from dinner but that didn’t work. It HAD to be the sandwich. Kudos to Stripes for somehow managing to recreate my childhood favourite sandwich!

I’m not sure if I can feel any difference with using the resistance bands apart from pain in my arms and shoulders. I guess I need to continue to be consistent with it and then maybe I’ll see something. I had a shower the other day and I was caught off guard by the mirror. God, my boobs are just so sad-looking. Like droopy Bassett ears. If I ever make it to goal, I’m going to need cosmetic surgery to deal with them because it’s just not right. I think I might need to start saving now though because I reckon I’ll need a whole body lift to get rid of the excess skin.

I bought some workout/sleep gear – Aztec print trousers and a couple of vests. I’m not sure the trousers will fit because they look really small to me. They’re a size 6xl but I don’t hold out much hope. Of course, I’ve been wrong before so I guess I’ll have to wait and see.

I’m down with yet another cough/cold so am necking Benyllin like it’s going out of style. The sneezing is what makes me feel completely exhausted and I hate wearing my CPAP whilst I’m struggling like this. Added to which, there have been at least a couple of times when the coughing has led to me throwing up which is never nice. I don’t know if it’s because my immune system is just crap and autumn means the temperatures are changing, but I could do without it to be honest. Added to which, I can’t get my COVID or flu jab whilst I’m sick, so it has a knock on effect to everything. I need to book a Dr's appointment because I would like to be referred for a home hearing test and Specsavers’ have said that it has to come from the GP. I’ll add that to my to-do list but I would like to combine it with the jabs if I can so that I’m not paying out a fortune in Ubers for each trip to the surgery.

I’m trying not to panic at the numbers going back up and instantly think about titrating up, but I do wonder if I will need to move up to 2 mg. It’s hard to see the ‘loss’ numbers move from 80 lbs to 77 lbs without feeling a sense of disappointment. I don’t think I want to titrate up – I can only imagine how horrific the side effects would be – but I also don’t want to stall out here. I shall keep a close eye on the scales throughout October and then make a decision I think.

As to my goals at the end of September, I am definitely getting more protein in the form of cheese! I’m being consistent with the resistance bands – now I just need to get cracking on sorting out my bedroom floor and the clothes out of the cat room. Slowly, slowly!

Up to 1mg I go

29/06/24

SW ⟫ 207.7 | CW ⟫ 178.2 | MGW ⟫ 168.2

Ozempic: ⟫ 1 mg

Okay, so I got a little distracted and forgot to post what I wrote yesterday! I gave myself the jab last thing last night and for perhaps the first time, it hurt! I don’t know if it was because I had to have the needle in my arm for longer to administer the dose or what, but for the first time I could have told you exactly where I injected myself in my arm without looking – it stung and was painful and I am not a fan. I vaped my weed at bedtime and had my crisps and felt a little – off is the only way to describe it but I wasn’t sick so I pushed it out of my head.

Today – I can’t say this morning because I didn’t get to sleep until after 5 am and woke up around 2 pm – and I wasn’t hungry in the slightest. Now, this could just be because sometimes the weed muffles my ability to figure out what I’m feeling. I was snuggled up with Gidget when my stomach began grumbling loud enough for me to feel a little embarrassed, but bearing in mind the last thing I ate was crisps around 2 am, that’s a chunk of time without eating. Anyway, I’ve had porridge and it was a little difficult finishing it all. It’s sitting a little heavy as well and the honey has left a weird taste in my mouth. I wouldn’t say I feel sick exactly – just nauseous I guess?

Obviously, this time I’m going to be much more aware of the side effects than I was when I initially did Trulicity and Ozempic which is a good thing. Maybe then I can figure out how to make it work harder for me!

~ ~ ~ ~ + ~ ~ ~ ~

28/06/24

SW ⟫ 207.7 | CW ⟫ 178.7 | MGW ⟫ 168.2

Ozempic: ⟫ 0.5 mg

Today is my last day on 0.5 mg – tonight I take the first of the 1mg jab and I must admit, I am a little worried. The scales are slowly dropping again which of course has me wondering whether I should stick with 0.5. But thinking it through properly, titrating up is a good move and will hopefully kickstart things moving again.

Today, I’ve had porridge with granola and oat milk for breakfast, and am having cheese and onion pasties for dinner. I have Exante shakes to use if it turns out that I can’t eat initially on the 1 mg so I’m not too worried about that. I have no plans for the weekend so if I end up living in the bathroom, that will be okay too.

I guess it’s time for a round up. I started Ozempic on/around 1st February and since then I have lost 16.8 kgs, which brings my loss total up to 29 kgs since I started using semaglutides back at the beginning of December. Roughly 4 kgs per month, which is a decent rate of loss I guess. This last month, June, has been up and down with what looks like a net loss of absolutely zero. Okay, I have two days left in the month but still, I can’t see anything amazing happening in that time.

The next stage is here, along with all of the home stuff that is going on and I really want to make sure that I continue to prioritise myself in all of this – I really want to keep working with the Ozempic, accepting losing weight, and working on the head stuff. Let’s see how great I can make the second half of the year!

Oh yeah, I need to make sure that I allow for the weed munchies. I’m vaping in the evening to alleviate the pain in my knees, but it often means that around bedtime I find myself needing something crunchy. So maybe I should save a bag of crisps as a planned treat to deal with that. I also want to get back into a decent sleep pattern – blimey, July is gonna be a month to do some real work on myself!

the winds of change are blowing....

SW ⟫ 207.7 | CW ⟫ 178.3 | MGW ⟫ 168.2

Ozempic: ⟫ 0.5 mg

The winds of change are blowing! Stripes went to collect my Ozempic prescription only to hear the dreaded words: the pharmacy had none in stock. They suggested going back to the GP and requesting either the 0.25 or the 1 mg as they had stock of both. Nothing is ever that simple, so Stripes emailed the surgery making the request. They replied saying that we would need to speak to someone within their pharmacy team and should wait for a call. This was yesterday and admittedly, both of us were a tad sceptical as the surgery has been less than proactive on our behalf in the past.

However, this morning I did indeed receive a phone call. Harry* (fake name) asked how long I had been on Ozempic at 0.5 mg and I explained that I switched from Trulicity in January, all the while thinking surely this should all be in my notes. He asked what level of success I had experienced to date and was literally speechless when I told him that I had lost 30 kgs whilst on 0.5 on Trulicity and Ozempic. He thought I meant I had started in November/December 2022 and said wow when I explained that no, this was from November/December ‘23. He then explained that it was the lower doses that were currently an issue and asked if I would be happy to titrate up as this should have happened within four weeks of me starting. I said that was fine so he’s going to send through the script for collection and as of Friday I should be on 1 mg.

I also received notification of my diabetic annual physical for 25th June. So – bloods, weight, blood pressure, foot check – the lot, followed by a phone call once the results of the bloods have been received. I should be able to talk about any side effects I’ve been experiencing and they can officially note my weight.

On the one hand, I’m pleased because I did wonder when my Diabetic check was meant to take place. And moving up to 1 mg is something I have been thinking about a lot. It also works timing wise as I have my tattoo day tomorrow which means if I need to book a second day, I will be able to take into account any side effects I’m suffering from and know how to manage them.

But there is a part of me that is disgruntled that we need to do all of the chasing for this when surely the Dr should be monitoring what’s happening a little closer? As in, this shouldn’t be the first time that they become aware of how I have coped taking Ozempic and what loss (if any) I’ve managed. It feels like it confirms the loneliness I feel – that I am in this on my own with minimal support. We still haven’t heard anything about a surgery date and that feels a little like a sword of Damocles hanging over my head. I’ve been avoiding thinking about it because I’ve been obsessing over Gidget, the end of the University year and her moving back from Halls. But it’s still there in the back of my mind.

The process of moving Gidget back home has begun. Stripes is under strict instructions to be a supervisor and not an active participant as she is still suffering with her shoulder after her fall last week. Today, Gidget wasn’t feeling well and I had visions of the whole week falling apart with a mad dash to get her moved out of Halls by Saturday morning. This week is a full one: tattoo appointment all day tomorrow; Gidget has a planned day with Jaycey and Stripes is going to the theatre on Thursday evening; Gidget is working both Friday and Saturday night, and Stripes has a doctor’s appointment on Friday. Doesn’t leave a lot of time to get her moved out gradually and clean up at leisure.

So, as someone who can’t physically get in there and force things to happen, I became project manager – booked a man with a van to be at Halls at 5 pm, whilst Gidget and Stripes packed up her entire room today. Gidget wants to leave some stuff there so that she can sleep over for the rest of the week – I think she needs the last few nights of ‘freedom’ which is understandable. We’ve made it clear that Stripes won’t be available to help clean up after today, and that she and Jaycey will be responsible for getting the last of the stuff out of there and the room cleaned to an acceptable standard on Friday. We all acknowledge that if Gidget is working Friday night, not getting home until around 5 am, there is sod all chance of her getting up on Saturday morning to go over to Halls and clean before the midday deadline.

So, we will once again be a household of three come Friday. All change.

Jesus, I really don’t think I’m ready for this. But, the change in Ozempic dosage might mean that I have something else to focus my energy on. I have no idea if I’m going to be suffering from the initial symptoms all over again or what it will do to my system, so I guess it’s time to buckle up for the ride!

When is a stall not a stall?

SW ⟫ CW ⟫ GW

207.7 ⟫ 180.4 ⟫ 168.2

Ozempic ⟫ 0.5 mg

Sunday morning and I find myself wondering if it’s time to titrate up to the next level of Ozempic. I think the rate of loss has slowed down. Looking through the weigh ins for the end of April, I’ve been teetering around 180.4 for at least a couple of weeks now. I don’t think it would actually be called a stall or plateau – I think for that label, it needs to be going on for a few weeks at least. But there is something inside me that thinks for all of the side effects I am dealing with, I should be seeing regular loss and a couple of weeks at the same place doesn’t seem fair? I’m not sure that’s the right word. I know that 0.5 mg is not the highest level and based on my reading, most people actually start seeing the real loss once they get up to 1 mg.

There are a couple of problems with the idea of moving up to a higher level.

1) Getting a doctor’s appointment is difficult. It’s not impossible but it can mean a fair few frustrating mornings on the telephone.

2) I don’t know how difficult it is to get hold of the 1mg level of Ozempic. We’ve had issues enough getting hold of the 0.5 mg on a regular basis and I don’t want to make things worse. Supply issues are a huge concern.

3) Most people seem to say if you are losing weight on the lowest level, then stay there. There’s little to no point in moving to a higher dosage if you are getting results from where you are. It just gives you less wiggle room in terms of managing the medication.

4) The side effects. I have got a hold on the side effects or at least I know what to expect. I can’t imagine moving to a higher dosage and finding that the vomiting, diarrhoea, constipation ramp up. This last week, I haven’t really suffered from them too much and can’t see myself wanting to go through all of that again.

5) Finally, the effect on my mental health. This is a struggle – this is hard. Anyone thinking using semaglutide is taking the easy way out needs to go through just a fortnight of the side effects to realise that obese people are paying the price for having to use these products – it’s not an easy road to travel, is hard physically and mentally. It could just be that my body is holding on to water; it could be too many sweets – Maom are the devil; it could just be the swings and roundabouts of losing weight – it’s very rarely a straight line from start to finish.

I guess a big part of the issue is that I feel like I am very much doing this alone. I haven’t spoken to a doctor in months (apart from when the switch to Ozempic and the issue getting hold of it) so I don’t have anyone to talk about this too. I can’t put this onto Stripes because she is dealing with her own things and she has no experience of this. She can sympathise and listen, which she always does, but she can’t make the decision for me.

Stripes took my face photos and I asked her if there was a difference. She said that it can be seen around my jawline, which is cool. But I still couldn’t bring myself to ask to see the photos because I don’t think I would see a difference and that would mess with my head.

I was meant to go for my diabetic eye screening on Friday, had my outfit all planned out and everything. I didn’t go – my stomach was feeling ‘rumbly’ and I didn’t want to be out of the house if things were about to go nuclear. But now I find myself wondering if I was just looking for an excuse not to go out. Getting dressed – bra, dress, clothes in general and being seen outside all makes how far I have to go very real. That sounds daft but – I live in jimjams. Elastic waisted, comfortable, things fit where they touch and that’s about it. I’m not dressed for company and because I don’t go out, I don’t have to think about how people might see me. Going out – even just to the opticians – means being seen by various people. An uber, the high street getting out of the car, manoeuvring around the opticians – it’s all a bit much when I am feeling so big. Added to which, I might have lost 60 lbs but the people on the street don’t know that – they just see me the way I am now. Which is super morbidly obese – taking up huge amounts of space; on crutches and feeling like I’ve just let myself go. They don’t know about the time spent in the bathroom, the saying no to things, the head stuff. They just see the hugely fat black woman staggering around on crutches.

Or maybe they don’t even see that. Maybe I’m invisible as a woman, as a real person, because I don’t fit any image of attractiveness. Although why I want people to find me attractive is beyond me – I am not on the lookout for a relationship of any kind. I think I really need to get back to doing the head-work. Not having the next mantra section has given me a ‘get out of jail card free’ kinda thing – I have access to the workbooks online, but it’s easier not to do the work when it’s not a piece of paper in front of me.

Just re-reading all of that makes me think that moving up a dosage isn’t where I’m at. I think I just need to eat as cleanly as I can, drink water and try to move around and trust the process. If the scales are still refusing to move by the end of the month, then I’ll make a doctor’s appointment and talk to them about moving up a dosage. In the meantime, I shall work on the idea of if it isn’t broken, don’t try to fix it. And get my butt in gear and do some of the mental work. Maybe today – I have two ARCs left to read, but I’ve written a chapter of Pink Moon and the review for the last ARC I finished this morning. That’s enough to be going on with.