End of the month, heading towards one year...

SW ⟫ 207.7 | CW ⟫ 174.8 |

Ozempic: ⟫ 1 mg

Coming up the end of the month and once again I am feeling a little lost. I don’t know if it’s because I’m coming up to a year being on this ‘plan’. It’s all a bit hazy when I truly started because I was on Trulicity, then off of it just trying to lose weight, then getting serious on it. 25th September is the first weight logged on my spreadsheet, so I guess that’s my anniversary? Either way, I have less than a month left before my year has come up and I feel like I should be achieving big things but that I’m not.

I started at 207.7 kgs and the scales this morning said 174.8 kgs so I should be pleased, right? But instead, I’m just feeling stalled. It’s not a proper stall because I think that has to be ongoing for a month with no movement, but I want to see new numbers. I need to see new numbers because otherwise why am I jabbing myself every flipping week?

I actually had a good week. It was Stripes’ birthday and the three of us went to get tattoos at Painted Fern. As her present, I paid for Stripes to have a tattoo of a amigurumi she made of an armadillo and it looks freaking gorgeous on her upper thigh. Or it will do once the ink sack has been cleaned off and the swelling goes down!

I got a geometric fox from Laura and Gidget got a kuromi keyring from Tanya. We had a blast, but it was the first time I’ve been out in over a month and since COVID so it’s hitting me kinda hard. I’m also a little bit concerned about the tattoo – me and white ink don’t have the best relationship in the world and some of the white in the fox looks a bit ‘off’. I just don’t think my skin likes white ink and is protesting. It’s an absolutely gorgeous fox and I can’t wait for it to be healed, but at the moment it’s painful, swollen and itchy af!

Then we watched TV, had take-out and watched Stripes open her gifts. Since then, I’ve literally done nothing but sleep and read. It’s my writing day and I haven’t done anything but blog posts and a review. I need to read three books at the moment and the deadlines are in September which sounds great but that’s next week!

Finally ordered a sofa and it’s due by Monday. It’s green in fake velvet and is kinda basic but we don’t need anything special. Especially since it’s going to be covered by the blankets and spreads I have, cat fur and probably scratched to shit! I really want to do some proper work on my bedroom, get rid of the clutter, find a home for things and throw out the things that I don’t use. So maybe that’s something to aim for next week.

Gidget is going to put together a time-line of her relationship with JC and we’re going to contact the police. At the moment, he is banned from where she works but that hasn’t been tested yet and we don’t know if/how he’s going to react to that. Just in case he escalates, we want to know what we can do about the situation and also ensure that there is a document trail if we need to go to the police for more assistance. I’m bricking it – I’m never done anything like this. I want to be there to support Gidget but I don’t want to steer her wrong, or make her life harder.

In the meantime, I just need to trust the process. Or processes. I weigh less now than I did at the beginning of August so that has to count as a win. And the fact that I can’t see it is most likely my own head-fucked attitude. Yes, I have Mantra stuff I could work on when I have the energy but isn’t that the bitch? I don’t have any energy at the moment. No energy, no sense of achievement, no creativity – yeah, time to log off and read. I’m not achieving anything sitting here moaning and complaining!

Did YOU know that rhubarb ferments?!!!

SW ⟫ 207.7 | CW ⟫ 176.7 |

Ozempic: ⟫ 1 mg

Did you know that rhubarb ferments like grapes because I sure as hell didn’t! For some reason on Friday/Saturday, I decided I really wanted fruit crumble – get more fruit in to make up something resembling my five a day. I had some on Sunday and Monday – Sunday I felt my stomach twisting up like it had the week before when I had the d&v but we didn’t put it together until last night after I had my dessert. So that’s another fruit off the list and my numbers have shot up with water retention so it doesn’t look like July is gonna be my month for mega-losses.

The sulphur burps are driving me insane today as I constantly feel like I’m going to throw up and my sleep isn’t very good either because I’m too scared to use my CPAP mask whilst burping like this in case I throw up whilst wearing it. So, yeah, I’m feeling more than a little bit sorry for myself.

It’s a writing day so time to wrap up the month of July – not sure I’ve got a lot to say because I don’t feel like I’ve achieved very much this month. Looks like I’ve lost 2kg over the course of the month which is pretty pitiful. Okay, positive hat on. That’s 2kg less than I weighed last month and I still have tomorrow’s weigh in.

⟫ I’ve learned of two fruits that I can’t eat which means, all being well, I won’t suffer through this again;

⟫ I weigh less than I did last month, even if it’s just 2 kg;

⟫ Roughly half a kilo per week works out at an average loss of between 1-2 lbs which is what I should be aiming at for steady loss;

⟫ the tattoos on my thighs are sitting differently because of weight loss – that’s the only explanation I can make for it anyway;

⟫ I’m still doing this – it’s seven months into the year and I am still doing this. I can’t think of the last time I stuck to trying to lose weight for this length of time so I should be proud of myself. Not to mention that it hasn’t always been easy with side effects and real-life getting in the way;

⟫ I missed my diabetic follow up phone call with the doctor’s surgery but they haven’t called back so is it safe to assume that my numbers are doing okay?

⟫ I did more mantra work although I still need to have a go at the letters they suggest writing. But that means I’m still doing the head work.

That’s not a bad round up!

tattoo cover up and writing day

SW ⟫ 207.7 | CW ⟫ 178.2 | MGW ⟫ 168.2

Ozempic: ⟫ 0.5 mg

I got my first tattoo when I was 42 and was completely and utterly unaware of how it worked. I drew a rough version of what I wanted but what I didn’t realise was that the artist was going to tattoo exactly what I had drawn. It looked amateurish (because it was) and if it wasn’t for the sentimental significance of it, I would have bawled. Over the years, I have spoken to various tattoo artists about having a cover-up – I’m more confident now about what I do and don’t want, what to expect, etc – but most of them said that it was too dark and they wouldn’t be able to do anything.

A couple of years ago, we went to a tattoo studio called Inky Needles to get matching ghosts for me, Stripes and Gidget and met Alex. I showed Alex my tattoo because I fell in love with a koi drawing that she had. We stopped going to Inky Needles (distance, lack of comfort, etc) but continued to follow Alex on instagram. She moved to Painted Fern which was nearer and more accessible and we booked in for tattoos. I didn’t make it to that appointment due to IBS/leurgies but Alex remembered about the cover up and talked to Stripes about it.

So I booked in and paid for the full two sessions she thought it would take and yesterday I went in for the first session. I cannot believe what she managed to do in three hours. I know what’s under the koi but I still struggle to see it! We didn’t get to the colour – I had to tap out – but I am booked in for a fortnight to get the colour added. So, here’s a picture of my cover up which I am utterly in love with!

Stripes is off to the cinema later so it’s just me, the cats and writing/reading. Not sure what’s going on with the eating thing. I didn’t eat while we were at the tattoo studio because I never know if there’s going to be an immediate reaction to food, but once we got home, Stripes made me hot dogs with masses of onions, followed by cheesecake and strawberries. I also had a couple of slices of bread with butter and some crisps. It’s got to the stage where I can’t tell if that’s good or not in terms of eating. I have been feeling a lot of nausea lately – possibly from eating in one concentrated sitting instead of spreading it throughout the day – but the scales are inching downwards so I think I’m going to take this as a win.

Today is all about relaxing because from tomorrow, Gidget is back and everything changes! *gulp*

i wish my brain would be quiet.....

SW ⟫ 207.7 | CW ⟫ 178.5 | MGW ⟫ 168.2

Ozempic: ⟫ 0.5 mg

I am slowly losing my sanity. Gidget has been radio silence since Sunday, so I have no idea whether or not they handed in all of their assignments on time. I’ve tried calling a few times but had no answer – I know they’re still alive as they were active on both Instagram and WhatsApp at different times – I guess they’re just avoiding me. I’m not sure if it’s because we’ve scheduled a family chat for Wednesday regarding the summer, if it’s because the assignments weren’t handed in and she doesn’t want to tell me, or because she’s all ‘peopled’ out after putting in the work.

It’s frustrating on many levels, not least because the last full conversation we had in person, both Stripes and I both made sure to let her know that what she does affects ALL of us, and that communication goes a long way to alleviating stress on both sides. But yet, once again, she’s chosen not to be in touch. The last time it happened, I was knackered as fuck after another sleepless night and she apologised, but then she went straight back to doing it again. I want to ignore the whole situation – put it to the back of my mind – but I am struggling so much.

Stripes offered to call – just in case Gidget would pick up a call from her – but I said no. One, because it’s not fair to put Stripes in the middle, and two because it fucking hurts when Gidget will answer a call from Stripes but not me. It feels so fucking targeted, like yeah, it’s not that I don’t want to talk, it’s that I don’t want to talk to you. At my age, shouldn’t I be past that kind of petty hurt? Shouldn’t I be able to shrug it off and just see it as a symptom of how Gidget and I clash in communication styles? I want to be able to do all of that – just put it away until the next time she’s due around here – which is tomorrow now – but, it’s like a rat nibbling constantly at the back of my brain.

This isn't about me - or it shouldn't be - but it affects me, Stripes and Gidget, and reverting to ignoring my calls makes me fear for the summer even more.

I guess there is also a part of me that feels like she couldn’t give two shits about how stressful this is for us. For me. I had a fucking panic attack only last week, but she can’t pick up the phone so I have one last thing to worry about? I don’t want to go on a rant, but maybe that’s the best thing to do – let it all out here so that tomorrow can be as calm as possible.

I’ve had a couple of responses to my post on for your health over on dreamwidth and one of the members is considering making the change from Ozempic to Trulicity, so it’s no longer crickets when I look for people going through the same thing as me. Sometimes I feel like the appetite suppression is still strong but I just don’t notice it. Stripes had a counselling session today and I didn’t eat until she came back, so around 3pm? And I only really started getting hungry towards 3ish. That might also have something to do with the other half of the THC cookie I had last night. Same sky high effects and a chunk of sleep, so physically I am feeling better.

Okay, gratitude, silver lining, whatever. I’ve booked in with Alex for the beginning of the my cover-up on the 19th June. So not only do I have something to look forward to, but it’s in the middle of the Ozempic cycle so the toilet issues shouldn’t be as bad and I should be able to attend. There – positivity!

The Tattoos That Weren't & Side Effects

SW ⟫ CW ⟫ GW

207.7 ⟫ 191 ⟫ 186.93

Ozempic ⟫ 0.5 mg

Yesterday I was meant to go for my birthday tattoos – the ones I was meant to get on my birthday but had to postpone because I went down with a bug. I thought the bug was done with me, but apparently not.

I was up, dressed, eyebrows in place and they looked pretty good, and feeling fine in a new dress Just before we decided to order the uber, I thought I should go to the bathroom. Bearing in mind the night before I had had soup and bread rolls for dinner, as well as about four Ferrero Roche, I thought things were fine.

This wasn’t the worst bathroom incident I’ve had since being on Trulicity/Ozempic but it did take me completely by surprise. Basically, everything I ate the night before was coming out the bottom end and then I threw up the toast I had for breakfast at the same time. By the time I was able to stagger out of the bathroom, Stripes had already cancelled my tattoo appointment (I sent £30 to apologise for the late notice/waste of time because I value my tattoo artist and didn’t want her to think I was taking the piss cancelling two weeks in a row). I felt grey, light-headed, empty stomached and generally as weak as a newborn kitten.

I spent the rest of the day tucked up in bed, and managed to keep down/in soup and bread rolls and that was pretty much it for the day. I tried to drink more water but had/have to be careful as sometimes cold water hits my empty stomach and makes me want to throw up.

I am now scared to plan anything because I cannot imagine what would have happened if we had already been at the tattoo shop when this happened. I’m not fast enough on my crutches to get to a strange bathroom and I certainly don’t want to have an accident/puke in public. I found myself musing before I got to sleep whether or not this meant that I couldn’t go out until I had lost a LOT more weight.

This also made me think that all of the people saying taking semaglutide is the easy way out have no clue what they are talking about. I felt like I was being wrung out using my stomach, with everything coming out of both ends and it was a horrible, horrible feeling. I’m half tempted to read through everything I’ve written since November to see just how much these side effects are taking over my life but what good would it do? I’m still not going to come off of them – losing weight is worth the discomfort and sickness. I just need to lower my expectations of what I’m capable of doing,

And book any new tattoos for the day after my injection when I have pretty much zero inclination to eat and should therefore not have these results/side effects.

Saturday morning and I’m too scared to eat toast and have a generally rumbly feeling in my stomach that precedes an incident. I guess whether it’s a lurgy or just the Ozempic, it’s not finished with me yet.