Pre-Op Diet Day 21 and no emotional meltdown today - YET!

SW⟫ 207.7 | CW⟫ 164.6 |

Pre-op Diet⟫ Day 21

Surgery Countdown⟫ 07 days

Well, any hope I had that the burgundy pink patches on my head might have faded overnight was unwarranted – I still look piebald. I think I might start to crochet myself a couple of beanies – not because I’ll get the chance to use the but to feel like I’m doing something useful! I’m getting more than a little concerned about the numbers on the scales – I know that going full liquid will help but it’s making me panic slightly about not losing enough for next week. Next week – yeah, saying that doesn’t help much with the panic.

I got a good night’s sleep, a lot of which was because Stripes let me ramble for nearly half an hour last night before we went to bed. I don’t even know if I was making anything resembling sense, but I did let out a lot. I woke up around 7 am but just wasn’t feeling like being awake so thought I might try to have a nap. Woke up around 3 pm so I guess I wore myself out having my meltdown yesterday. Managed to write about 1000 words on my writing day, whilst Book_grim handled the delivery of the new cooker. All looked like it was going well until the men had left and turning the cooker on tripped the electrics.

I’ll admit, I had thoughts of ‘we bought a new cooker for nothing’ but Stripes had the number of the delivery guys from when they contacted her to say that they had arrived, so Book_grim called them back and they sorted out. A combination of loose neutral wire or something like that? Regardless, the cooker was on and we had electrics so I’d call that a win. And of course, it’s the last night of me eating so I won’t get to enjoy any of the spoils of the new appliance.

Sent Marmee a message letting her know me and the girls would like to drop round and visit on Sunday. I don’t think I’m going to make a thing of visiting the sisters – I’ll hit up WhatsApp the morning of surgery and leave it as that. I don’t think any of us needs the emotional whirlwind or awkward conversation if we meet up. And I don’t plan on telling anyone else what’s happening – they can find out afterwards.

So tonight is my last night eating before surgery (unless it gets postponed or rescheduled) and my last night vaping. I guess I better make the most of it! We have the last two episodes of Cross to watch and things are definitely hotting up. So glad it’s already been green-lit for a second season as I’ve really enjoyed watching Aldis Hodge as Cross and Isaiah Mustafa in something other than Shadowhunters. I have a couple of books I want to read but I think my writing is done for the day.

I was going to do some work on my prompt for Swap of Joy on 1 million words but am not feeling particularly creative so I might have a look at that tomorrow. I think I want to try to get it done before next week so that I can cross something else off my list. Although it might be worth saving until after the surgery so that I can keep myself occupied.

I was wondering about how I would feel if the surgery got postponed and I’m not sure. On the one hand, I really just want to get it over and done with and move on to the next stage. On the other hand, it would enable me to lose a bit more weight beforehand; it might help me get a better handle on my stress and panic. I don’t think it would be good for the girls though – there is this feeling of holding our breath and waiting until we get passed this hurdle. That, and I could see it putting a bit of a pall over Christmas if it was hanging over us all. And just think, if it does happen next week, how much weight could I have lost by my birthday?

I had to choose what size I wanted for my Christmas hoody from the girls and was stumped. I said 4xl, then changed it to 3xl as I have absolutely no idea what size I’m going to be by then. I want something oversized but not comedic – maybe something I can wear with leggings? I know a lot of people report feeling colder post-surgery (I am absolutely freezing at the moment but I think that’s more about the snow than weight loss) so the thought of having something I can wrap myself up in and stay toasty warm sounds lovely. I think I’m going to say 4 xl. I think. ARGH!

I want to play a little Riders Republic before dinner so I’m gonna log off now. Hey, look at me – no meltdown yet today! One up from yesterday!

tattoo cover up and writing day

SW ⟫ 207.7 | CW ⟫ 178.2 | MGW ⟫ 168.2

Ozempic: ⟫ 0.5 mg

I got my first tattoo when I was 42 and was completely and utterly unaware of how it worked. I drew a rough version of what I wanted but what I didn’t realise was that the artist was going to tattoo exactly what I had drawn. It looked amateurish (because it was) and if it wasn’t for the sentimental significance of it, I would have bawled. Over the years, I have spoken to various tattoo artists about having a cover-up – I’m more confident now about what I do and don’t want, what to expect, etc – but most of them said that it was too dark and they wouldn’t be able to do anything.

A couple of years ago, we went to a tattoo studio called Inky Needles to get matching ghosts for me, Stripes and Gidget and met Alex. I showed Alex my tattoo because I fell in love with a koi drawing that she had. We stopped going to Inky Needles (distance, lack of comfort, etc) but continued to follow Alex on instagram. She moved to Painted Fern which was nearer and more accessible and we booked in for tattoos. I didn’t make it to that appointment due to IBS/leurgies but Alex remembered about the cover up and talked to Stripes about it.

So I booked in and paid for the full two sessions she thought it would take and yesterday I went in for the first session. I cannot believe what she managed to do in three hours. I know what’s under the koi but I still struggle to see it! We didn’t get to the colour – I had to tap out – but I am booked in for a fortnight to get the colour added. So, here’s a picture of my cover up which I am utterly in love with!

Stripes is off to the cinema later so it’s just me, the cats and writing/reading. Not sure what’s going on with the eating thing. I didn’t eat while we were at the tattoo studio because I never know if there’s going to be an immediate reaction to food, but once we got home, Stripes made me hot dogs with masses of onions, followed by cheesecake and strawberries. I also had a couple of slices of bread with butter and some crisps. It’s got to the stage where I can’t tell if that’s good or not in terms of eating. I have been feeling a lot of nausea lately – possibly from eating in one concentrated sitting instead of spreading it throughout the day – but the scales are inching downwards so I think I’m going to take this as a win.

Today is all about relaxing because from tomorrow, Gidget is back and everything changes! *gulp*