Feeling Meh!

SW⟫ 207.7 | CW⟫ 152.6 | IGW ⟫ 139.5

Transition to Normal Food⟫ Ongoing

Well to say that I am disappointed in the scales is minimalising things more than a little. I can’t believe that at this point in time, I haven’t even managed to lose 1 kg in February. It’s driving me slightly insane and I am STRUGGLING.

I have moved onto more ‘solid’ food – I am eating 1 chicken skewer and 2 mozarella sticks on average per day, as well as having protein pancakes and yoghurt for breakfast, so perhaps it’s the quantity of food that I’m consuming? I have decided that I need to get back to basics: three meals per day, chew each mouthful at least 20 times, no meal lasting longer than 20 minutes – basically rereading all of the original instructions. I finally received my letter from my appointment on 20th January and apparently my cholesterol is raised so they want me to book in with my doctor to see if they want me on some medication. I might also look into what can cause high cholesterol to see if it’s a particular thing that I’m eating.

I’ve managed to get quite a few different clear whey protein powders to try so that if the Vimto becomes unavailable, I still have choices. I don’t know – basically I woke up this afternoon (after 12) and just felt meh and the feeling hasn’t lifted. It’s meant to be a writing day and I think that I might kill someone in an attempt to feel better. Ah, the joy of being a fiction writer!

Stripes is dropping off Vee’s birthday present – decided to gift her a new jigsaw puzzle because she didn’t say what she actually wanted and I know she does puzzles. I think Book_grim is waiting on a delivery – a new water bottle to replace the one she left in Sainsburys. And I have a chapter to write for ‘Burning Love’ and then an ARC to read. I should hopefully be able to get through today without literally killing someone but perhaps I should minimalise my contact with people just to be sure!

I used Microlax again this morning and feel a little less bloated but then I dread to think what the scales would have said before I did that! God, does this ever get easier? The bitch stitch is still causing issues, I feel like I have so little control – despite its’ side effects, Ozempic feels like it was SO much easier!

Pre-Op Diet Day 10 and End of Ozempic

SW ⟫ 207.7 | CW ⟫ 165.2 |

Ozempic: ⟫ 1 mg | Pre-op Diet:⟫ Day 10

After chatting with Stripes, I made the decision to stop taking Ozempic. I was meant to be having one more jab before stopping before the operation, but with how upset my stomach has been there seems little point in adding more stress to it by doing one last jab. I think tomorrow I will try to do a summary of my journey using it since January, but I can only express how grateful I am that I found it and it worked for me the way it has worked for so many. If I need to return to it after surgery, so be it, but in the meantime it has more than served its’ purpose.

Each time I have a shake, give it between 10 -20 minutes and I’m having a toilet incident and it has got to stop. Yesterday, I once again only managed to drink three shakes which means I’m averaging around 600 cals a day which is not good. One of the slides on the presentation yesterday showed that 600 cals can lead to ill health which might jeopardise the surgery so I need to make a concerted effort to get that fourth shake in. I might email the dietetic team to ask for any tips.

Spent the morning with Stripes before she went out to meet her Dad’s side of the family for lunch and I spent a chunk of time with Gidget. Then Oldest came back with Stripes and we had a couple of photos taken together and I chatted to her to make sure she’s okay with the whole surgery thing. Before he left, I spoke to the ex and asked him to keep an eye out for Stripes, that she’s so used to being the rock that she wasn’t great at leaning on people and he needed to be there for her. Then I told him he was a cracking dad, always had been. He said some reassuring things – very male logic reassuring things – but I feel like I did the right thing and can rest easy with that.

So, we’re watching the end of Venom as Gidget didn’t get to see it before she goes to work and we settle in for a quiet night. I’ve had two shakes today and no toilet incidences so maybe that’s sorted? Not enough for me to risk the Slimfast shakes just yet but it’s been nice. Okay, I still have a bubbly butt that stinks but I can cope with that. I have a review to write and then back to reading and chilling I think.

First week of October 2024

SW ⟫ 207.7 | CW ⟫ 172.3 |

Ozempic: ⟫ 1 mg

So what have I been up to? Well, I set up a new spreadsheet because my old one was getting ‘creaky’. It would freeze when I tried to go to different sheets or charts and I guess it makes sense – there’s a year’s worth of data in it. So I set up a new one, streamlining things a bit and now including my BMI.

The scales are still being stubborn. I can’t figure out if it’s because I’ve been doing the resistance bands every other day and possibly I’m retaining water? My eating hasn’t changed that much although there has been an absolute obsession with cheese sandwiches when I’ve vaped my medicinal weed. I think I may need to adjust what I’m eating for dinner to include the craving because it’s not going anywhere – I did try to keep something aside from dinner but that didn’t work. It HAD to be the sandwich. Kudos to Stripes for somehow managing to recreate my childhood favourite sandwich!

I’m not sure if I can feel any difference with using the resistance bands apart from pain in my arms and shoulders. I guess I need to continue to be consistent with it and then maybe I’ll see something. I had a shower the other day and I was caught off guard by the mirror. God, my boobs are just so sad-looking. Like droopy Bassett ears. If I ever make it to goal, I’m going to need cosmetic surgery to deal with them because it’s just not right. I think I might need to start saving now though because I reckon I’ll need a whole body lift to get rid of the excess skin.

I bought some workout/sleep gear – Aztec print trousers and a couple of vests. I’m not sure the trousers will fit because they look really small to me. They’re a size 6xl but I don’t hold out much hope. Of course, I’ve been wrong before so I guess I’ll have to wait and see.

I’m down with yet another cough/cold so am necking Benyllin like it’s going out of style. The sneezing is what makes me feel completely exhausted and I hate wearing my CPAP whilst I’m struggling like this. Added to which, there have been at least a couple of times when the coughing has led to me throwing up which is never nice. I don’t know if it’s because my immune system is just crap and autumn means the temperatures are changing, but I could do without it to be honest. Added to which, I can’t get my COVID or flu jab whilst I’m sick, so it has a knock on effect to everything. I need to book a Dr's appointment because I would like to be referred for a home hearing test and Specsavers’ have said that it has to come from the GP. I’ll add that to my to-do list but I would like to combine it with the jabs if I can so that I’m not paying out a fortune in Ubers for each trip to the surgery.

I’m trying not to panic at the numbers going back up and instantly think about titrating up, but I do wonder if I will need to move up to 2 mg. It’s hard to see the ‘loss’ numbers move from 80 lbs to 77 lbs without feeling a sense of disappointment. I don’t think I want to titrate up – I can only imagine how horrific the side effects would be – but I also don’t want to stall out here. I shall keep a close eye on the scales throughout October and then make a decision I think.

As to my goals at the end of September, I am definitely getting more protein in the form of cheese! I’m being consistent with the resistance bands – now I just need to get cracking on sorting out my bedroom floor and the clothes out of the cat room. Slowly, slowly!

High Thoughts - Prime Effectiveness?

Yes, this is the second post of the night! I don’t know if these would be classed high thoughts – more than likely since it’s nearly 6 am, I haven’t been to sleep yet, and my brain is running like a hamster on a wheel but.

What if I’m making things harder for myself by doing my jab last thing on a Friday night? Like, part of the reason for doing that was to combat the fatigue, but what if it’s partly responsible for me not sleeping? And what if by taking the jab when I do, I’m sleeping through the most effective times? Like – I take the jab and it kicks in and I’m not hungry and not prone to snacking. Not much use of that if it’s the middle of the night and I should be asleep. And then I’ve set myself up for the rest of the week because of when I’ve taken the jab. So my 24 hour cycles are all messed up because I take the jab last thing at night.

What might help – if I’m not talking out of my butt – is if I take my jab on Saturday morning and keep note/track of side effects, food noise, hunger pangs. Obviously I can’t do it now (wish I’d had this idea before I stabbed myself this evening) but if I make a note to myself saying not to do my jab until Saturday morning, I might find that it proves more effective.

It might not – it could simply be that I need to titrate up despite the fact that I’m loathe to move up levels if I don’t have to. But if I can stay on 1mg and keep losing weight, then I can put off titrating up until it’s absolutely necessary. I still have at least 80 – 90 kgs to lose so there’s time to run experiments, but also still a chance to help the Ozempic work for me. What if I’ve been putting a stumbling block in my way this whole time simply because I thought taking the jab at night meant that I wouldn’t have to handle the fatigue, as in it would help me go to sleep if I was exhausted. But maybe that’s not the way my brain – or body – works.

Now I just need to remember this for next week!

Four weeks on 1 mg

SW ⟫ 207.7 | CW ⟫ 175.4 |

Ozempic: ⟫ 1 mg

Coming to the end of another week and I’m not quite sure how I feel. Obviously Sunday was absolutely awful but it certainly made the numbers on the scales go down. They also appear to be staying at the new low – or in the vicinity – so part of me feels like I should be pleased? The other part of me is standing back in horror thinking that if the best way to get the scales to go down is to be sick, actually throwing up, isn’t this just another form of eating disorder?

By no stretch of the imagination am I thinking about making myself sick on the regular. But I don’t really seem to have constipation or diarrhoea lately (please don’t take this as a taunt or jab – I don’t need either of them to return to remember just how awful they are); I’m not sure how much food restriction I’m feeling; hunger pangs are rare but I can definitely eat even if I’m not hungry. It kinda feels like what was working in the beginning isn’t working now.

I know I have a tendency to panic and I don’t want to do something stupid or drastic – we’ve had a pretty steady week food-wise. The biggest change was having take out today because I went for a couple of tattoos. I had my koi filled with colour (ouch), and also covered up a small tattoo on my forearm that I didn’t like. I’ll lob a picture of the forearm one below.

We had fish and chips. Normally, I either have kebab meat with salad in a pita, or occasionally a small fish and small chips. For some reason this evening – whether it was because it was the first time eating all day or because I was tired after the tattoos, I ordered a large fish and small chips. I barely finished a third of the fish (the cats ate well tonight) and left about a third of the chips. Admittedly, I had a McDonald’s McFlurry and a chocolate and raspberry pie (they’re celebrating their 55th Birthday or something), but apart from three boiled sweets during my tattoo session, I didn’t eat anything else today.

I guess we’ll see what the scales show. It has been a tough week – living together as three adults is not easy, and it requires real effort and thought to not fall back into ‘Mommy mode’ which messes up the dynamic. Knowing that Gidget isn’t going back to university this year means all three of us know that, for the moment, we’re stuck together and we need to figure this shit out.

I don’t even want to think what might happen if we don’t find a way to make this work.

It’s something like 6 am and I need to sleep. I guess I’m hoping writing this shit down will help me in some way – whether it’s just getting it out of my head or being able to return to it and see how I was feeling. I guess I can say this is four weeks on 1mg successfully completed, but I can’t help but wonder whether a shift to something like Zepbound or Rybelsus might help me? Or am I just looking for something external to do the work? Gah, I need sleep!

non scale victory and another fall

SW ⟫ 207.7 | CW ⟫ 176.5 |

Ozempic: ⟫ 1 mg

The weigh in is from yesterday but I’m not risking getting onto the scales as I fell over again this evening. I don’t even know how – I was leaning over the side of the bed, foot planted firmly on the floor and the next thing I’m on the ground. Not gonna lie, I’m a little concerned. And how daft is it that my first thought was that I didn’t want to talk to the Doctor about it in case they wanted to take me off of Ozempic for some reason. I guess that’s me admitting that I couldn’t keep doing this without Ozempic, but is that a dangerous attitude to have? I mean, I still have about 100 kgs to lose so it’s not like I don’t have time to learn better habits, etc. But at the moment, without Ozempic I wouldn’t be losing the weight.

Anyhow, I have another Non Scale Victory, although I didn’t feel like it was a victory at the time. Because of how big I am, all of my clothes are literally just bought in the biggest size available. I changed into some shorts and they fit weird. Like, the elastic didn’t have to stretch for me to put them on, they feel really baggy, and they are kinda hanging onto the shelf of my butt to stay on. Initially I thought I was imagining things, but I got out of bed to go to the bathroom and they almost slid off of me, so I guess I can’t hide from myself that they are getting ‘big’ on me. I need to not think about it too much in case I freak myself out.

One of the most sobering things about falling over is how it has made me realise just how far I still have to go. I hate to think if I would have been able to get up off the floor if I hadn’t lost this weight – as it was, just getting onto my knees was excruciating, and I feel like I’ve gone 10 rounds with a heavyweight boxer. 70 lbs has made a huge difference – I know it has, even if I can only rarely see it. But just picturing falling over at my biggest makes me shiver in fear – we would have probably had to call an ambulance or something and that is a sobering thought.

Things seem to be going okay for Gidget at work (apart from some nail casualties and the joy of working in customer service), with the JC thing seeming to have calmed down. She has found out more about how people found out what was going on and it seems like JC went full on nuclear, deliberately screen-shotting the parts of their chat that made her look the guiltiest and then posting it on their stories and sending it to particular people. It just seems so needlessly mean and unnecessary. It made me feel angry all over again, but hopefully things will calm down now. All that remains is to get her stuff from them and it looks like she might have to chase that up. Argh, it all just seems like game-playing and messing with her.

Stripes has had a couple of appointments this week that are stressful, but hopefully after today, she can relax a bit. I know I freaked her out/scared her falling off the bed, and I hate the stress it puts on her. If it carries on, I will go to the doctor just to rule out anything awful.

And I still haven’t looked at the Mantra stuff. To be fair, I have been covered in tubigrips and arnica spray, so hardly in the right frame of mind to be doing the head stuff. I will get to it. I have an ARC that I need to read and review by next week, but apart from that I don’t have much of an excuse. I haven’t been to bed yet but my muse is kinda teasing me with a story so I might try to get that out and then hit the hay.

the winds of change are blowing....

SW ⟫ 207.7 | CW ⟫ 178.3 | MGW ⟫ 168.2

Ozempic: ⟫ 0.5 mg

The winds of change are blowing! Stripes went to collect my Ozempic prescription only to hear the dreaded words: the pharmacy had none in stock. They suggested going back to the GP and requesting either the 0.25 or the 1 mg as they had stock of both. Nothing is ever that simple, so Stripes emailed the surgery making the request. They replied saying that we would need to speak to someone within their pharmacy team and should wait for a call. This was yesterday and admittedly, both of us were a tad sceptical as the surgery has been less than proactive on our behalf in the past.

However, this morning I did indeed receive a phone call. Harry* (fake name) asked how long I had been on Ozempic at 0.5 mg and I explained that I switched from Trulicity in January, all the while thinking surely this should all be in my notes. He asked what level of success I had experienced to date and was literally speechless when I told him that I had lost 30 kgs whilst on 0.5 on Trulicity and Ozempic. He thought I meant I had started in November/December 2022 and said wow when I explained that no, this was from November/December ‘23. He then explained that it was the lower doses that were currently an issue and asked if I would be happy to titrate up as this should have happened within four weeks of me starting. I said that was fine so he’s going to send through the script for collection and as of Friday I should be on 1 mg.

I also received notification of my diabetic annual physical for 25th June. So – bloods, weight, blood pressure, foot check – the lot, followed by a phone call once the results of the bloods have been received. I should be able to talk about any side effects I’ve been experiencing and they can officially note my weight.

On the one hand, I’m pleased because I did wonder when my Diabetic check was meant to take place. And moving up to 1 mg is something I have been thinking about a lot. It also works timing wise as I have my tattoo day tomorrow which means if I need to book a second day, I will be able to take into account any side effects I’m suffering from and know how to manage them.

But there is a part of me that is disgruntled that we need to do all of the chasing for this when surely the Dr should be monitoring what’s happening a little closer? As in, this shouldn’t be the first time that they become aware of how I have coped taking Ozempic and what loss (if any) I’ve managed. It feels like it confirms the loneliness I feel – that I am in this on my own with minimal support. We still haven’t heard anything about a surgery date and that feels a little like a sword of Damocles hanging over my head. I’ve been avoiding thinking about it because I’ve been obsessing over Gidget, the end of the University year and her moving back from Halls. But it’s still there in the back of my mind.

The process of moving Gidget back home has begun. Stripes is under strict instructions to be a supervisor and not an active participant as she is still suffering with her shoulder after her fall last week. Today, Gidget wasn’t feeling well and I had visions of the whole week falling apart with a mad dash to get her moved out of Halls by Saturday morning. This week is a full one: tattoo appointment all day tomorrow; Gidget has a planned day with Jaycey and Stripes is going to the theatre on Thursday evening; Gidget is working both Friday and Saturday night, and Stripes has a doctor’s appointment on Friday. Doesn’t leave a lot of time to get her moved out gradually and clean up at leisure.

So, as someone who can’t physically get in there and force things to happen, I became project manager – booked a man with a van to be at Halls at 5 pm, whilst Gidget and Stripes packed up her entire room today. Gidget wants to leave some stuff there so that she can sleep over for the rest of the week – I think she needs the last few nights of ‘freedom’ which is understandable. We’ve made it clear that Stripes won’t be available to help clean up after today, and that she and Jaycey will be responsible for getting the last of the stuff out of there and the room cleaned to an acceptable standard on Friday. We all acknowledge that if Gidget is working Friday night, not getting home until around 5 am, there is sod all chance of her getting up on Saturday morning to go over to Halls and clean before the midday deadline.

So, we will once again be a household of three come Friday. All change.

Jesus, I really don’t think I’m ready for this. But, the change in Ozempic dosage might mean that I have something else to focus my energy on. I have no idea if I’m going to be suffering from the initial symptoms all over again or what it will do to my system, so I guess it’s time to buckle up for the ride!

Trulicity Vs Ozempic

As part of my post for For Your Health community over on Dreamwidth, I updated all of the my weight loss figures going back to September. I also did a couple of charts that showed the weight loss I have experienced on both Trulicity and Ozempic. I’m in a weird head space so I’m not going to try to do a numbers comparison at the moment – the scales creeping upwards have me feeling some type of way and I don’t think it would be helpful – but I decided it made sense to post them here for when I am in a better frame of mind.

So, here is the loss on Trulicity which is basically the end of September to the end of December, which is roughly twelve weeks.

Weight Loss on Trulicity

The following chart is my weight loss whilst taking Ozempic, so basically January through to now.

Weight Loss on Ozempic

It’s probably not a fair comparison because I have been on Ozempic longer and have had more ups and downs emotionally than during the Trulicity period. But maybe it will help as I go through June, trying not to panic and worrying about whether I should be titrating up or not.

When is a stall not a stall?

SW ⟫ CW ⟫ GW

207.7 ⟫ 180.4 ⟫ 168.2

Ozempic ⟫ 0.5 mg

Sunday morning and I find myself wondering if it’s time to titrate up to the next level of Ozempic. I think the rate of loss has slowed down. Looking through the weigh ins for the end of April, I’ve been teetering around 180.4 for at least a couple of weeks now. I don’t think it would actually be called a stall or plateau – I think for that label, it needs to be going on for a few weeks at least. But there is something inside me that thinks for all of the side effects I am dealing with, I should be seeing regular loss and a couple of weeks at the same place doesn’t seem fair? I’m not sure that’s the right word. I know that 0.5 mg is not the highest level and based on my reading, most people actually start seeing the real loss once they get up to 1 mg.

There are a couple of problems with the idea of moving up to a higher level.

1) Getting a doctor’s appointment is difficult. It’s not impossible but it can mean a fair few frustrating mornings on the telephone.

2) I don’t know how difficult it is to get hold of the 1mg level of Ozempic. We’ve had issues enough getting hold of the 0.5 mg on a regular basis and I don’t want to make things worse. Supply issues are a huge concern.

3) Most people seem to say if you are losing weight on the lowest level, then stay there. There’s little to no point in moving to a higher dosage if you are getting results from where you are. It just gives you less wiggle room in terms of managing the medication.

4) The side effects. I have got a hold on the side effects or at least I know what to expect. I can’t imagine moving to a higher dosage and finding that the vomiting, diarrhoea, constipation ramp up. This last week, I haven’t really suffered from them too much and can’t see myself wanting to go through all of that again.

5) Finally, the effect on my mental health. This is a struggle – this is hard. Anyone thinking using semaglutide is taking the easy way out needs to go through just a fortnight of the side effects to realise that obese people are paying the price for having to use these products – it’s not an easy road to travel, is hard physically and mentally. It could just be that my body is holding on to water; it could be too many sweets – Maom are the devil; it could just be the swings and roundabouts of losing weight – it’s very rarely a straight line from start to finish.

I guess a big part of the issue is that I feel like I am very much doing this alone. I haven’t spoken to a doctor in months (apart from when the switch to Ozempic and the issue getting hold of it) so I don’t have anyone to talk about this too. I can’t put this onto Stripes because she is dealing with her own things and she has no experience of this. She can sympathise and listen, which she always does, but she can’t make the decision for me.

Stripes took my face photos and I asked her if there was a difference. She said that it can be seen around my jawline, which is cool. But I still couldn’t bring myself to ask to see the photos because I don’t think I would see a difference and that would mess with my head.

I was meant to go for my diabetic eye screening on Friday, had my outfit all planned out and everything. I didn’t go – my stomach was feeling ‘rumbly’ and I didn’t want to be out of the house if things were about to go nuclear. But now I find myself wondering if I was just looking for an excuse not to go out. Getting dressed – bra, dress, clothes in general and being seen outside all makes how far I have to go very real. That sounds daft but – I live in jimjams. Elastic waisted, comfortable, things fit where they touch and that’s about it. I’m not dressed for company and because I don’t go out, I don’t have to think about how people might see me. Going out – even just to the opticians – means being seen by various people. An uber, the high street getting out of the car, manoeuvring around the opticians – it’s all a bit much when I am feeling so big. Added to which, I might have lost 60 lbs but the people on the street don’t know that – they just see me the way I am now. Which is super morbidly obese – taking up huge amounts of space; on crutches and feeling like I’ve just let myself go. They don’t know about the time spent in the bathroom, the saying no to things, the head stuff. They just see the hugely fat black woman staggering around on crutches.

Or maybe they don’t even see that. Maybe I’m invisible as a woman, as a real person, because I don’t fit any image of attractiveness. Although why I want people to find me attractive is beyond me – I am not on the lookout for a relationship of any kind. I think I really need to get back to doing the head-work. Not having the next mantra section has given me a ‘get out of jail card free’ kinda thing – I have access to the workbooks online, but it’s easier not to do the work when it’s not a piece of paper in front of me.

Just re-reading all of that makes me think that moving up a dosage isn’t where I’m at. I think I just need to eat as cleanly as I can, drink water and try to move around and trust the process. If the scales are still refusing to move by the end of the month, then I’ll make a doctor’s appointment and talk to them about moving up a dosage. In the meantime, I shall work on the idea of if it isn’t broken, don’t try to fix it. And get my butt in gear and do some of the mental work. Maybe today – I have two ARCs left to read, but I’ve written a chapter of Pink Moon and the review for the last ARC I finished this morning. That’s enough to be going on with.

Fluctuations and their Implications

SW ⟫ CW ⟫ GW

207.7 ⟫ 182.2 ⟫ 168.2

Ozempic ⟫ 0.5 mg

Well, I saw 181 yesterday. However, I’m not surprised that the scales went up today as it was Gidget’s birthday yesterday and we had pizza, garlic bread and cupcakes, as well as some jelly beans. So far, my stomach hasn’t rebelled but I did learn a few things about myself. I’ve attached a screenshot of my weigh-ins over the last seven days so I can see the fluctuations and see for myself how things change, most of the time for no explicable reason that I can ascertain.

I managed not to over-eat which was a nice achievement – of course, I did sleep a chunk of the day away so there’s that, but I’ll take the victories where I can. The cupcake was absolutely lovely and it would have been so easy to ask for another one, but I didn’t. And I managed to limit the amount of jelly beans I pilfered from Gidget. All in all, I think control and food-plan wise, the day was a success. I’ve given Gidge my tub of Maom to take with her when she returns to halls, and the rest of the cupcakes are going as well, so temptation has been removed from my path.

I’ll more than likely have the remaining half of my pizza and garlic bread for my meal today, so again, that feels like an achievement. I distinctly remember when I would have polished off an entire medium pizza, half of the garlic bread and cookies and not left myself anything for the next day. I needed to see that written in black and white to recognise it as an achievement but I wonder how long it will take me to internalise that as an achievement?

I’ve been feeling – well, flat may be the best way of describing it and I’m not sure why. The current chapter I’m working on in Mantra is regarding Nutrition so maybe that’s why I’m in a bit of a funk. I’m still not eating ‘well’ by any means, but I do seem to have settled into having one main meal a day, with perhaps a small snack later. I’m not sure that’s a good thing but it does seem to be where my body/brain has decided to settle for the time being.

I had a minor panic when I realised I only had two injections left and I hated the thought of running out. I guess that might be part of what’s going on in my head – the almost constant fear of supply issues making it difficult to settle down and accept that this is it for the foreseeable future. I think I may be due a phone call from Violet soon and I will bring up Zepbound or whatever is the latest semaglutide drug that is easily available, just so I can settle my concerns about it all.

I should be so pleased with myself – I’ve lost 4 stone and am literally a lb away from being under 400 lbs for the first time in well over five years. I guess part of it is the (completely natural) scale fluctuations where I put on/lose half a kilo regularly and then suddenly there’s a proper drop that seems to be constant. Then the cycle begins all over again. And this week, I haven’t experienced ‘the great emptying’, although I don’t think I’m constipated as my stomach isn’t rock hard and I’m not in pain. Maybe my body is accepting the status quo and accepting that this is how things will be for a while?

I think the best thing I can do for myself is try to get some sleep. I didn’t sleep last night – maybe because I had a long nap the day before? – which means that if I’m not careful, I’m going to end up back on a nocturnal schedule which doesn’t help/serve me. It’s too easy in the middle of the night to feel all of these complicated emotions overtake me and feel overwhelmed. I don’t know what the next chapter of Mantra covers but then, shouldn’t I be concentrating on what I’m currently working on rather than worry about what’s coming up next?

I think the last section I did which talked about a support network, having a person to talk to who is slightly more separated from things here would be good. It’s not fair to put everything onto Stripes’ shoulders while she is handling her stuff, but it isn’t easy because I don’t have anyone else to talk to. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing myself damage/harm trying to work through this Mantra stuff without a counsellor to speak to to help me figure out how I am feeling/handling all of the emotions and turmoil it’s bringing up. But that’s the reality of the situation – I don’t have access to a counsellor, and even if I could get a doctor’s appointment to talk about it, the waiting list is obscene and half the time when you do get to talk to someone, it’s only for six weeks.

And the ever-present fear regarding my PIP coming to an end is growing. I still haven’t received any paperwork from them and I’m wondering if I should call them. But there’s a part of me that wants to hide away and not bring myself to their attention. Of course, that could completely bite me on the ass when June comes around and I get no money because my award has expired. Maybe that should be my goal for this week? Get in touch with the DWP and ask for the paperwork to continue my award? Ugh, sometimes adulting really does suck.

Ring of Fire!

SW ⟫ CW ⟫ GW

207.7 ⟫ 183.7 ⟫ 168.2

Ozempic ⟫ 0.5 mg

Kinda left things on a bit of a cliffhanger last time – my bad! Stripes sorted it – including a posse of pharmacy clients trying to sort out the complete and utter FUBAR that was dealing with the Pharmacy FKAU (they are still useless but in this instance, they came through and I got another four weeks of Ozempic).

However this week I have been suffering the plight of the damned. I don’t know if it was the home-made flapjack made by Grim, Easter eggs in excess or a simple virus, but since Thursday night I have been in hell.

We’re about to get into TMI – you have been warned.

Wednesday night felt like the purge of all things unholy – I cannot believe all of that came out of me, but I put it down to the usual once-weekly emptying out. Unfortunately, this continued throughout the entirety of Wednesday night all the way through to now (early hours of Saturday morning). Ring of fire doesn’t even cover it – I’m pretty sure I created and killed numerous haemorrhoids in the course of these three days. Liquid fire has been coming out of me steadily for nearly three days and I’m not ashamed to say that I was at the point of begging to be put out of my misery. My butt has been in so much pain, my stomach has felt twisted into knots and I have had the belches from hell. Painful, loud and feeling like they’re being punched out of me, I can’t even say that they were sulphur burps which Ozempic is apparently famous for because to me, they didn’t smell.

But they really freaking hurt.

I started on Imodium yesterday and having taken approximately seven doses, things seems to be settling down. Mind you, I thought the same last night and risked half a slice of toast – big mistake, HUGE as it felt like my insides were trying to themselves into pretzels and I was prepared to give absolutely anything for the pain to go away. I slept for over six hours, woke to pee, sip water and take another imodium, then slept for another six hours.

I haven’t risked food as such – I had some dioralyte to replenish fluids (that stuff tastes disgusting) and a cuppa-soup type thing that we had in the cupboard, and that seems to be staying put.

I weighed in this morning and saw 183.7 kg which would take my loss to 24kg or just under 53 lbs, so I should be over the moon. But I’m not because I know that loss isn’t real, and no doubt when I’ve rehydrated and begun eating again, the numbers will shoot back up.

I contemplated not taking my shot today – so much so, that I took it very late this evening. But in the end, I can’t really blame Ozempic for what I’ve been through. It could have been a virus that attacked me, the imodium definitely helped and I haven’t died. Not yet anyway. But I wonder, how much of this is me deciding that I deserve to suffer? Even now online, you can read people saying that taking drugs like Ozempic is the easy way out, that the drugs are just another crutch that fat people are using instead of willpower. And no matter how much I don’t believe that, the words seep into my brain and make me think ‘well if you’d just lost weight the normal way, you wouldn’t be suffering like this’.

We’re at the end of March so I’m going to ask Stripes to take photos of my face (side profile and full on) and once again, not show me the results. And away into April we go. At least I’m no longer as scared to fart as I was earlier in the week – I read far too many stories on Reddit of people shitting themselves, and with the diarrhoea wreaking havoc with my system, it was a genuine fear. Lucky so far and not taking any of it for granted. God, the things we do to lose weight.

As a side note, we never did hear back from Violet (makes me wonder if the message got through to her) and we also haven’t heard anything about the surgery date. Business as usual then – sometimes I feel like I’ve been given these drugs and then just left to my own devices. Ugh, I think I’ll stop here before the self-pity drags me down into it’s pit again.

Out of Stock - or maybe not!

SW ⟫ CW ⟫ GW

207.7 ⟫ 187 ⟫ 168.2

Ozempic ⟫ 0.5 mg (hopefully)

Well, it looks like it’s happening – Asda are out of stock of Ozempic, They suggested that we request the surgery reissue the prescription but for the 1 mg and that I adjust the dosage to 0.5 myself. Cue email to the surgery requesting just that and we received a phone call. Apparently, National Guidelines state that if the prescribed dosage is not available, we should wait until it’s been two weeks since the last injection before contacting the surgery again and they will then see what they can do.

I explained that if I did that – waited two weeks from the time of last injection – if they put me up to the 1mg dosage, the side effects would be awful and that after a break, you are meant to start titration from the beginning. Unfortunately, there was nothing they could do – they suggested trying to get an appointment to speak to a Diabetes doctor on Monday (cue hysterical laughter as we know how incredibly impossible a feat it is getting a Doctor’s appointment, let alone on a Monday). They also said that what Asda pharmacy suggested – adjusting the dosage myself – had been proven to be ineffective and that was another reason why they couldn’t do what I had requested.

I then called the main appointments line to see if there were any appointments available today (another miracle would be required but it was worth a try) and the woman I spoke to tried to be helpful but basically her hands were tied. She was apologetic and disappointed on my behalf and said it was madness that this was allowed to happen.

Digging around, we found the phone numbers for the Endocrinology department and tried to get hold of Violet. Bear in mind, up until now I’ve never actually had to call Violet – she’s always called me. Well just my luck, she’s not there today so I was put through to her colleague, Karen (I shit you not, what a poor name to have in this day and age) who took my details and said she would ask Violet to call me on Monday.

In the meantime, Stripes got in touch with the ‘pharmacy formerly known as useless’ as in the past, they have let us down with prescriptions and messed us about, which is why we went to Asda in the first place. Shock, horror – they actually have the right dosage in stock! Good news, right? Well, kinda – but then we had to call the surgery back to ask them to ‘release’ the prescription from Asda and put it through to the ‘Pharmacy FKAU’ – initially, the person we spoke to said that they pharmacy didn’t have the correct dosage, but we confirmed that we had just spoken to them and they had said that they did. Anxious waiting, but now the prescription has been sent to the Pharmacy FKAU and we should be able to pick it up in a few hours.

RELIEF. Or slight relief, because let’s be honest – how many times in the past have we thought something is sorted only to find out that somewhere along the line, things have gone FUBAR and we’re back to starting from scratch.

I haven’t been sleeping well – awake til 6 am in the morning with my brain working overtime. Last night was nightmares – I woke up to find that all of the weight I have lost had come back plus some literally overnight. None of my clothes fit, or my shoes and I couldn’t fit through any of the doors in the flat. Yeah, my brain is a fucked up place but we kinda already knew that.

I wouldn’t have got through all of these shenanigans without Stripes – I knew she was just as worried/panicked as I was, but she kept her cool and rang around and if this happens, it is almost 100% because of her.

I will still try to speak to Violet on Monday to see what we should do if this happens again, and I will also try to get in to see the Diabetics team at the surgery – the nearest appointment is on April 25th so that’s so incredibly useful (not). I can’t think of or imagine any other prescribed medication where this situation would be allowed to happen and for the professionals to be able to offer practically zero assistance. I know that we are extremely lucky with the NHS – everywhere else, people are having to pay for this medication out of pocket and it is extremely expensive and just as hard to get hold of. That’s why there’s a booming market in compounded semaglutide where pharmacies (or possibly other shady ass people) are mixing up their own version. But how do you know what you’re taking? The risks and side effects? So, yes, I’m lucky that the NHS prescribes this but this is a life-changing medication for people suffering from diabetes and being morbidly obese – how can this be allowed to happen? How is this right?

I wrote myself a bit of a game-plan in the case of us not being able to get hold of it. I have the Exante shakes in the cupboard and I could try to do that for a few weeks. I don’t like the idea of it for so many reasons, but it would hopefully mean that I don’t regain the weight straight away. When speaking to Stripes, I reminded myself that I am not losing the weight because I am taking Ozempic – Ozempic is the tool that enables me to ignore/not suffer from the hunger and food-noise, so if I just kept eating the way I have been recently, I should be able to maintain if not continue to lose. But the panic and noise in my head was just horrendous, and the thought of starting from scratch again and dealing with those side effects actually made me feel so incredibly low.

I am working on the blanket for the new Great-Nibling and I have an ARC to read, but I think I would also like to try to do some Mantra work this weekend. Head stuff seems to be looming large recently and I want to get on top of it. Especially with things like this happening and not having heard anything at all about my surgery date.

Into March 2024 - 20kg down

02/03/24 SW ⟫ CW ⟫ GW

207.7 ⟫ 187.7 ⟫ 186.93

Ozempic ⟫ 0.5 mg

The first chunk of this is how I was feeling on Wednesday night.

I’ve delayed my Ozempic shot and I’m not sure why. I mean, I’ve been having a miserable time with the galloping trots for over a week, but I was pretty positive that I could ride out the side effects. Also, this flu/cold thing just won’t go away – this evening, my throat feels raw, my glands are up and I feel freaking awful. But I was managing all of that.

What if this is me sabotaging myself, making excuses to come off of the Ozempic because it’s working and that’s fucking scary. I briefly saw 186 kgs on the scales the other day (although they ultimately settled at 188) and I really haven’t seen that number for well over five years. Part of a double chin has gone (this is when photos would have been really helpful) and my jawline is slightly more defined. Hardly Ozempic face but I can see it. Sometimes.

So I think I need to make sure that I take my shot tomorrow morning and not let this continue. Strange to think with all of the freedom to eat whatever I wanted, I had soup and sourdough bread. Admittedly, I did have two more slices of bread with lemon curd/ginger preserve, but I didn’t have breakfast so even with the extra bread, I didn’t go overboard.

I wish I could go back to Trulicity. I really felt more in control when I was on it. I seemed to have figured out the side effects and was settled with what I was eating. I guess partly superstition as it was working for me so why change it and disliking change in general. That being said, this is my fifth Ozempic injection (once I take it) so that should mean it’s nearly a habit. I remember reading somewhere that it takes six weeks to establish a pattern/habit in which case, shouldn’t it be easier by now?

I still struggle to figure out if I am truly hungry or if it’s thirst. Example, this evening at bedtime, my stomach was cramping and grumbling. I can’t tell if it’s hunger or just the rumblings of IBS and/or Ozempic. Why can’t I read the simple cues my body is giving me?

Okay, I think I need to get some photos of at least my face so I can do comparisons when I start to lose faith that this is working and differences can be seen. So maybe tomorrow I’ll ask Stripes to take some photos but not show me. And then do it again at the end of March.

Apart from the appointment with the anaesthetist on Monday, I have no real clue what happens next, so injection and ride out the side effects. A day at a time.

+ + + X + + +

I did take my injection but I think I fucked up. I’ve been reading about people not taking the full 0.5 mg and I decided to give that a go. I’m not sure how much I did take – possibly half, maybe a little more and I did the injection in the back of my arm like I have been doing. Since then, I’ve been feeling nauseous, feeling like my mouth is full of water and just not right. I haven’t had a repeat of the upset stomach (yet) and I feel maybe hungrier but that might all be in my head.

What am I saying, most of this is in my head. I feel like a complete basket case. Monday is looming large as I am meeting the anaesthetist at Solihull Hospital and everything becomes terrifying real once again.

I half decided that I should be treating myself to something to celebrate my weight loss but I am at a loss as to what I should do. I don’t really want to buy clothes – like, where the hell do I go? Nail varnish maybe? Heck, I’m so freaking lost at the moment it’s not funny.

I guess I just need to take a deep breath and keep going. All I can do really. Next Thursday is my shot day now and I think I will do another ‘half’ and see how it goes. The scales are still going down – I should be celebrating madly as I have officially lost 20 kg and although I haven’t lost 10% of my body weight yet, I am pretty damn close. But I can’t see it or feel it so I feel like a fraud celebrating it. I read the semaglutide subreddits with these people dropping over 100lbs in less than a year and can’t imagine being in that position.

But I have lost 44.09 lbs – not a small achievement. Why can’t I see it? Why can’t I be happy about it? How far do I have to come before it starts being visible?

Photos. I need to take photos.

The Tattoos That Weren't & Side Effects

SW ⟫ CW ⟫ GW

207.7 ⟫ 191 ⟫ 186.93

Ozempic ⟫ 0.5 mg

Yesterday I was meant to go for my birthday tattoos – the ones I was meant to get on my birthday but had to postpone because I went down with a bug. I thought the bug was done with me, but apparently not.

I was up, dressed, eyebrows in place and they looked pretty good, and feeling fine in a new dress Just before we decided to order the uber, I thought I should go to the bathroom. Bearing in mind the night before I had had soup and bread rolls for dinner, as well as about four Ferrero Roche, I thought things were fine.

This wasn’t the worst bathroom incident I’ve had since being on Trulicity/Ozempic but it did take me completely by surprise. Basically, everything I ate the night before was coming out the bottom end and then I threw up the toast I had for breakfast at the same time. By the time I was able to stagger out of the bathroom, Stripes had already cancelled my tattoo appointment (I sent £30 to apologise for the late notice/waste of time because I value my tattoo artist and didn’t want her to think I was taking the piss cancelling two weeks in a row). I felt grey, light-headed, empty stomached and generally as weak as a newborn kitten.

I spent the rest of the day tucked up in bed, and managed to keep down/in soup and bread rolls and that was pretty much it for the day. I tried to drink more water but had/have to be careful as sometimes cold water hits my empty stomach and makes me want to throw up.

I am now scared to plan anything because I cannot imagine what would have happened if we had already been at the tattoo shop when this happened. I’m not fast enough on my crutches to get to a strange bathroom and I certainly don’t want to have an accident/puke in public. I found myself musing before I got to sleep whether or not this meant that I couldn’t go out until I had lost a LOT more weight.

This also made me think that all of the people saying taking semaglutide is the easy way out have no clue what they are talking about. I felt like I was being wrung out using my stomach, with everything coming out of both ends and it was a horrible, horrible feeling. I’m half tempted to read through everything I’ve written since November to see just how much these side effects are taking over my life but what good would it do? I’m still not going to come off of them – losing weight is worth the discomfort and sickness. I just need to lower my expectations of what I’m capable of doing,

And book any new tattoos for the day after my injection when I have pretty much zero inclination to eat and should therefore not have these results/side effects.

Saturday morning and I’m too scared to eat toast and have a generally rumbly feeling in my stomach that precedes an incident. I guess whether it’s a lurgy or just the Ozempic, it’s not finished with me yet.

The Mind-F*ck that is Choices/Decisions

SW ⟫ CW ⟫ GW

207.7 ⟫ 192.2 ⟫ 186.93

Ozempic ⟫ 0.5 mg

Well, I appear to have entered the world of the mind-fuck. On Monday, I had my telephone appointment with Violet, my Endocrinology nurse. She was very pleased with my progress and said if there are any issues getting hold of Ozempic to get in touch with her as she will push for them to prescribe Zepbound which is the new semaglutide that has just been approved. I was riding high on that and my birthday weekend despite having a very upset stomach and feeling like death.

Today, Violet calls back to give me a heads up that the surgery team would be in touch with me soon with regard to potentially getting the gastric sleeve in May. MAY! I thought it was going to be December at the earliest because of the wait times so in my mind, I had another 10 months to see just how much weight I could get off and maybe not even need the surgery. Less than half an hour later, the phone goes and its the surgery administrator wanting to book me in for a face-to-face with the anaesthetist and practice nurse next Friday!

I was high on flippin’ Big Narstie because my knees were hurting and I was desperate for sleep, so I had to try and be ‘normal’ but inside I was freaking out. I couldn’t make the first appointment they offered me, so I am now booked in for late March with the anaesthetist and February 26th with the nurse.

I can honestly admit that I am freaking out. It was one thing to think I had ten months to make a difference and perhaps not have the surgery. May just feels so soon and my brain is running through scenarios like a pair of squirrels fighting in a sack.

* if I turn down the surgery and determine that I can do this on Ozempic or the like and then what happens if there are supply issues or I get too sick and can’t continue on it? Does that mean I have to start the whole process for weight loss surgery all over again?

* if I go for the surgery, what if that means I’m not giving the non-surgical route time to work? Surgery is irreversible – am I ready for that?

* there are so many people fighting for a place on the wait-list and I’m thinking of turning it down – am I insane? Stupid? Panicked?

Pretty much the best scenario that I can think of is if the anaesthetist says that I’m currently unsuitable and they give me longer to lose some weight – going into surgery at over 400 lbs is no joke and I want to give myself the best chance of survival. And then maybe I’ll be able to get it off with the Ozempic or whatever in the meantime?

I feel like such an idiot being so freaked out about this – I’ve been trying to get this whole WLS thing sorted for nearly four/five years and now it might be happening, I’m bottling it. I know it’s not that simple – when I first started this journey, Ozempic, Trulicity, etc weren’t exactly well known and I was stuck at the bottom of a deep, dark hole looking up and wanting to cry.

Stripes was so helpful – she listened to my stoned ramblings, made sense of them and then just made it okay. No, we don’t have the answers but we have time and we have a plan. And we just stick to that. So, I keep taking the injections, survive the side effects (seriously, the toilet issues have been unreal ) and lose the weight. If and when the anaesthetist tells us if I’m suitable, we move to the next step.

And we have Violet on our side. She has been instrumental in keeping me going – always so empathetic, helpful – if she says she’s going to chase someone, she does, and her honesty and willingness to go above and aboard has made so much difference to me.

Tomorrow is injection day and I think I’m going to stick to jabbing the back of my arm as I think there have been less side effects this week. The scales did go down to 191 kgs the other day but we’ll see where things lie tomorrow morning at ‘official’ weigh in, 2024 has been a trip so far!

Into February 2024 - Week 2 of Ozempic

SW ⟫ CW ⟫ GW

207.7 ⟫ 193.5 ⟫ 186.93

Drugs:⟫ Ozempic 0.5 mg

My poo is green. TMI I know, but it’s freaking green! According to Dr Google, it’s possibly a stomach bug or food is passing through my body too fast and as a result, bile doesn’t have time to break down properly.

Yuck.

Coming to the middle of week 2 on Ozempic and I have near constant nausea, headaches, either constipation or diarrhoea and feel exhausted. So I guess it’s working then!

I’ve seen the scales move downwards which is reassuring – I can’t shake this fear that somehow this is going to stop working for me and I’m going to find the scales start rocketing upwards, but so far, not the case.

I understand people saying that taking this affects how they think and feel. My brain is kinda full with stuff – normal, stressful home stuff, but also what happens if? Like, if this stops working? Or what happens if/when I get to a ‘normal’ weight? Do I have to be on this for the rest of my life? And if so, can I cope with all of these side effects? Then I feel ungrateful because there are so many people who want to try Ozempic who can’t afford it/get hold of it, and here I am whining about how it’s working.

This brain stuff is hard.

I’m relatively used to the digestive issues – I’ve suffered from IBS for years even if I didn’t realise it at the time – so bathroom stuff has been an issue for a looong time. But the nausea, exhaustion and general aching are new and I’m just scared that this is it forever.

It’s my birthday on Friday and part of me wants to celebrate as I usually do, with my choice of cake made by Stripes and a take out meal. I’m also going for a full day tattoo so will more than likely be exhausted from that too. But I’m not sure take-out is worth the fear of bathroom repercussions or nausea. This obviously isn’t my first time being on a diet over my birthday but it IS the first time that chemical intervention will affect the choices I make.

I’ve also been thinking of using up some of the Exante shakes that I have – just to get in vitamins and nutrients as during the day, I can’t honestly say that I’m eating well. I’m not eating a lot, but I’m not eating balanced meals either. Banana for breakfast, sandwiches for dinner with a rice pudding for dessert. That’s pretty much been my diet for the last couple of days – I had far too many sweets when Book was over for the weekend because we were gaming and I wasn’t paying attention, which is probably why my gastrointestinal issues are so bad.

I still haven’t taken the photographs I talked about. No excuses, but I’ve been so tired that I just didn’t have the energy to try to get some good photos. I really want to at least get some good images of my face so I can track any differences – I think I’ll make that my goal for this week.

January 2024 Round Up

SW ⟫ CW ⟫ GW

207.7 ⟫ 195.7 ⟫ 186.93

Drug Plan:⟫ Ozempic 0.5 mg

Another month over and time for a bit of a round-up. The constipation issue is still causing problems – I did manage to ‘go’ but was disappointed as I still feel rough as balls and over-full. I am also still struggling with cravings for sweet things, generally eating stuff that I haven’t eaten for quite some time and way too much of it.

I guess it could be stress – stuff always going on in my head whether it’s about what’s happened in the recent past, something I’m dreading for the future, or simply my brain doing weird and wonderful things. I just wish I could have remained in that Trulicity head-space. I wonder if maybe I’m psyching myself out? I took my second Ozempic injection today – definitely did it correctly as there was the teeniest, tiniest spot of blood at the injection site, so I guess that’s reassuring inasmuch as I appear to be doing that correctly.

I’ve asked Stripes to empty the fridge in my room of all the little treats I’d stashed in there – hopefully that will stop any late night snacking or at least make me think about it properly first rather than giving in to impulse.

I’m also considering taking some photographs. The thought actually makes me feel more than a little sick, but one of the best ways to see results is to take photos that you can compare things to. Maybe I’m feeling nauseous at the thought in case these turn into yet another set of photos of when I started something that I failed to finish? On the other hand, it would be really cool if I could see myself develop Ozempic face? I have seen some really cool progress photos that other people have posted that demonstrate this so clearly and would love to see if that happens for me.

I’m trying to be more positive – both in my head and out loud – but I’m not sure how well I’m doing at that. There is a lot of negative self-talk in my head that I struggle to block out, and now that I’ve done a week of Ozempic and seen no weight loss, the little voice is having a field day telling me that I might as well give up, that it’s obvious Ozempic isn’t going to work for me, that I’m just being lazy and should eat less, do more (those words should be tattooed onto the forehead of every Doctor in my life who’s told me it’s that simple and I should be able to do it so that they can SEE them every single day, the same way they live rent-free in my head).

Positives:

⟫ I made it through week one of Ozempic with minimal side effects;

⟫ Although the scales haven’t moved downwards, they haven’t moved upwards either;

⟫ I’m grateful that my GP was willing to prescribe Ozempic and give me the opportunity to continue on this journey with its’ assistance;

⟫ I recognise the temptation of the things I chose to put into my fridge and am taking action to remove that temptation;

⟫ my nails are growing strong!

Moving in to February, I need to show more gratitude, be more aware of the things I say in my head, and make better food/snack choices – I have my birthday to celebrate but apart from that, I can’t think of any big ‘social’ events that require food-thought/preparation. Overall, January has gone well and I am grateful for that.

Nearly a week on Ozempic...

SW ⟫ CW ⟫ GW

207.7 ⟫ 195.2 ⟫ 186.93

Drug Plan:⟫ Ozempic 0.5 mg

How the heck do I tell if this is working? I followed the injection instructions and was pretty sure I was feeling something but after a few more days I’m really not sure. There’s been some mild irritation of the injection site, but the ‘feelings’ I am used to after injecting Trulicity are absent.

I’ve been struggling with feeling so hungry all the time! Actually, I shouldn’t say all the time as that’s not accurate. I’m sleeping better (thank you Big Narstie Moroccan Peaches!) and when I wake up, I do feel like I’ve had some sleep, but I’m generally not hungry first thing in the morning so I drink iced water.

That hasn’t changed much, but as soon as I’ve had breakfast – whether it be toast or a flapjack – I am rampaging hungry! I’ve been having my main meal so early – like anytime from 4 pm – and then for the rest of the day, I want to snack on things constantly. I am going to bed early (for me) like anything from 10.30 pm to just after midnight, so the out of control eating thing is probably around 12 hours max. But I wasn’t struggling like this when I was on Trulicity.

The scales aren’t moving – not up or down, but I am up from my lowest low which I think was 191 kg. I guess this could be the transition and also that I’m on a relatively low dose of Ozempic. I believe the therapeutic dose is from 1mg upwards and I’m on half of that.

I’m also suffering from constipation so feel bloated and sluggish. I’ve taken Dulcolax twice with little results. I’m almost tempted to have one of the VLCD shakes I have on hand as they often lead to stomach upset. Sounds awful to admit that I’d rather have the world falling out of my butt at the moment than struggle for much longer like this. I just feel like I have a bowling ball in my stomach constantly, and I can’t relax because I’m constantly waiting for the diarrhoea to start.

I know this isn’t a short term thing and I need to manage my expectations. My body is probably confused and I know I’m stressed with stuff that’s going on. Trust the process but keep an eye on things I guess. Now I need to try to find a relatively comfortable way to sit/lie with this poop bowling ball causing me so much grief!

And on to Ozempic

Start Weight in November 2023:⟫ 207.7 kg 457.9 lbs

Current Weight in January 2024:⟫ 195.2 kg 430.3 lbs

Eating Plan:⟫ Ozempic 0.5 mg

Shocker of shockers, my doctor’s appointment was not to discuss the Trulicity but to talk to me about the Oviva programme. It’s a funded VLCD whereby they take you through a 12-week meal replacement then help you come off of that safely. I did actually look into this last year and self-referred. It took ages for them to come back to me, and when they did they said they needed more information from my surgery. I got in touch with the surgery to find out what the hold-up was, and was asked to forward the email to them and they would handle it.

(Narrator:) They did not, in fact, handle it.

Oviva discharged me from their programme due to non-response, so I chased the surgery again. Same person I spoke to who remembered me but ultimately, what I got back was that it was too late and they would have to start the referral process again.

Hence the phone call!

Anyhow, I explained about that snafu and also about the Trulicity being out of stock and we had a really good conversation. She was extremely impressed with how I’d done whilst taking the Trulicity and could completely understand my desire to continue on some kind of semaglutide, but ultimately it was down to supply issues. We spoke about Rybelsus and Ozempic and what was easiest to get hold of, and we decided Ozempic at 0.5mg was the easiest to get hold of at the moment so we would go with that and review the situation in six weeks.

She also moved me to a higher dose of Metformin in slow release form as she thought it made sense to get the best out of all of the medications I was taking, and also changed my Atorvastatin. It was quite possibly one of the most positive medical interactions I’ve had apart from the nurse who takes care of my Endocrinology appointments who I would marry if I could because she’s just so incredibly supportive and kind, even when our conversations stray from diabetes etc.

I didn’t want to make the swap to Oviva when the semaglutide is working for me – I’ve done VLCDs so often in the past and although I can lose weight, it’s so difficult to stick to. It made no sense to me to go back to that when I was finding that Trulicity was working for me.

Stripes picked up the prescription and I admit, I was a little squeamish. The thing about Trulicity injections is that it’s like a pen where the actual needle is pretty much completely hidden – spring release, ouch and done. This felt way more deliberate – opening and screwing on the needle, the test where you get a droplet of Ozempic on the tip of the needle (should have taken a picture as it would have looked so cool), then injection site and press, count to six. I hate needles – always have, which is kinda hysterical if you could see just how many tattoos I have – but I have to be completely honest and say not only did I not feel this needle, I was pretty much convinced that I had messed up and nothing had gone in!

The effects feel different – or maybe it’s the change to different type and amount – but the overly-full, nauseous feeling I was used to from Trulicity wasn’t there. In fact, the best way to describe it is a kind of big nothing – I don’t feel hungry, don’t feel sick, don’t feel much of anything when it comes to the whole food thing. But I think it is working. I saw an advert for the new McDonald’s Steakhouse and I thought that looked absolutely gorgeous and yes, I wanted some. I could picture it in my mind, as well as the hot, crispy, salty fries and how they would taste on my tongue – heck yeah.

Dinner time and the thought of the burger made me feel ‘meh’. Like, was it worth any potential gastrointestinal distress for a burger? And somehow my brain said nah, let’s not bother. And that was it – no back and forth about whether I really wanted it or not, would it taste as good as the adverts made it look, no bartering with myself about what I wouldn’t have if I decided to have the burger. It was just – nah not today.

I don’t know if anyone other than a ‘food addict’ or however you would describe some people who suffer with food noise, but this was pretty wild for me – even after ten weeks on Trulicity. With Trulicity, it was often the fear of the consequences that stopped me over-eating or choosing the ‘wrong’ things – that and the ever-present lump in my throat and feeling like everything I’d eaten was just sitting there, making my stomach and chest feel heavy. This wasn’t so much fear of the consequences as lack of real inclination to bother with that food.

The constipation is still real but I’m pretty sure that’s a leftover from Trulicity and I won’t see if Ozempic is going to affect me the same way for a little while. And I know it’s only been a couple of days so things might change in terms of this but I think that so far this is the smoothest transition I could have hoped for. And of course, I need to keep my eye on the supply issues so that I know what’s going on. I have three weeks’ worth left and a whole lot can happen in three weeks.