surviving september...

SW ⟫ 207.7 | CW ⟫ 172.2 |

Ozempic: ⟫ 1 mg

How come I never write on here when I hit my lowest low? I saw 171 the other day, but it’s bounced back up to 172.2. So how am I doing? Well, I tried fried eggs on bagels and then had tuna pasta salad that evening, and spent an eventful hour or so on the toilet. We don’t know if it was the eggs or the tuna (I haven’t had either of them in a while) but suffice it to say, I won’t be eating either of them in a hurry.

It’s so strange what causes a reaction – I remember when I first started using Ozempic, chicken was almost guaranteed to make me throw up. Chicken – like, that’s meant to be one of the universal safe foods! Very strange.

Apart from throwing up and stomach issues, I have also been struggling with an ear infection and quite possibly the after-effects of COVID. I am utterly exhausted – the other night I went to bed around 11 pm and didn’t wake up until after 12 the next day That’s pretty much unheard of.

I’ve been so exhausted that I’ve been struggling to even read – I wake up, do my wordle, sqwardle then just sort of loll around until I doze off again. We have actually had a busy time though. I finally managed to sort out a new sofa and we spent just over an hour putting it together. It’s green velvet(looking) three seater love seat and fits almost perfectly where I wanted to place it. That side of the room is looking so much better – cleaner, clearer and just, yeah, happy with.

The other side of the room, not so much. I have my disability chair that Stripes covered in old denim jeans when it started looking ropey, as well as one of the blankets I crocheted on the right side of the bed and it looks really comfortable. Comfy enough for Stripes to curl up with Dmi and look incredibly sweet and happy together! Unfortunately, beneath that chair is varying amounts of detritus – things that have fallen off my bed, wrappers from cough sweets, bandages, plasters – all sorts of crap. And it’s going to take more energy and balance for me to get that sorted.

I did manage to go through my wicker basket and pull out all of my bras and panties, which are now neatly tucked away in a drawer. Which just leaves going through the basket and folding my pyjamas neatly as well as getting rid of things that are too ratty or too big. Yeah, no energy for that either at the moment.

Which brings me to my state of mind. We took a few pictures of the three of us on the sofa. Gidget has a nifty Polaroid camera and took an absolutely darling picture of me cuddling Castiel which I love. However, we took a few photos using my phone and I absolutely HATE the way I look with a passion. My pyjamas are loose on me and I know that I’m losing weight but for some reason, that picture just made me want to cry. I look like someone in those 1,000 lb people weight shows – just hanging fat, rolls and just kinda lumbering. Now I know it’s weird to describe myself as lumbering when I was sitting down in the photo but it’s the only word that comes to mind.

It made me feel quite blue – I still feel quite blue, although I know that some of that is just the after-effects of being ill and the ear infection. It’s sobering to think that I’m about 1lb away from having lost 80 lbs and looking at myself in pictures just makes me want to cry. This is just going to get worse in terms of hanging skin because exercise is still out of my range of possibilities and I think I might need to see if I can find someone to talk to about all of this. Mantra is all very good but there’s only so much I can do on my own.

In good news, we met Gidget’s new beau – Stripes originally called him ‘the ginge from hinge’ which cracks me up every time, but we’ll call him A here. He’s a nice boy – he came around and we spent a very wholesome afternoon playing cards, video games and talking. Gidget seems happy and that’s all I can hope for. The situation with JC seems to have calmed down, especially now that Gidget’s workplace have barred him from entry. Of course, the last time I let my guard down, he escalated so I’m still concerned but we’ll see. Gidget says she does want to fill out a police report but hasn’t got around to it yet – I can’t blame her, no one wants to have to talk about a situation like that and the self-blame is hitting hard for both of us.

I don’t even know what to aim for weight-wise for the anniversary of beginning of this, which I believe is the 23rd September. I’m still slightly stunned that I’m still doing this. Oh crap, I’ve just remembered that I wanted to ring the Dr's surgery and ask what my latest AC1 numbers were – you can only get results in the morning so I guess I’ve missed it today.

Blimey, I’ve written a tome! I think that’s enough laptop time for today. I’ve begun porting ‘High Thoughts’ over onto Dreamwidth – I don’t know why I’ve got it into my head that something might happen to Blogger, but I guess better safe than sorry. I have another ARC that I need to read and review for a deadline, then just some kindle unlimited books that I can take my time on. I’ve signed up for a few comms, including Spook Me, and a new bingo card, and I have the drabble/icon challenge to catch up on but all of that will have to wait. I think it’s time for a long drink of water and a nap!