Post Surgery Diet⟫ Week 2 of Liquids
This cold has escalated until I feel like it might just be the flu. Of course, if I had installed a braincell, I might have realised that some of what’s going on is withdrawal from a variety of meds. I haven’t taken most of my normal stuff since the day before surgery, but the emotional whiplash may well be because I went cold-turkey on my antidepressants. I don’t even know why I didn’t think about the effect it might have on me – physically and mentally – but it might explain some of the rollercoasters I’ve been riding.
Yesterday I tried an options hot chocolate sachet with skimmed milk. It tasted okay, but the texture felt really strange on my tongue and I couldn’t finish it. Then suddenly it was like everything on my insides needed to be on my outsides immediately and there followed a few urgent trips to the bathroom. Stripes said it might be dumping syndrome since that’s pretty much the first time I’ve had ‘chocolate’ so I think I’m going to avoid chocolate for the foreseeable.
We went through the manifesto agenda and I think we might have the beginnings of an idea as to how to move forward with cleaning schedules, etc. It’s never easy having those chats – doesn’t seem to matter how mature people are trying to be, me and Book_grim rub each other up the wrong way and things escalate to unpleasantness, and suddenly we’re running through grievances from years ago. It doesn’t help that I feel like absolute lukewarm shit.
The scales are driving me insane because the numbers are going up instead of down. Not by huge amounts, but it’s more than a little disheartening to find that it doesn’t look like there’s been any weight loss in week two. I’ve heard of the three week stall but not week two and of course my mind has run away with the idea that I’ve been doing things wrong and that the surgery didn’t work on me. Ridiculous and not helped even slightly by the fact that I am meant to be moving to pureed food from Friday. We put through an Asda order, with weetabix, protein sources, veggies – things with texture that can be blended to something smooth. I’m a little scared of it to be honest – sometimes it feels like the surgery literally just happened, other times like I’m dragging my feet with regard to progress, etc. I don’t want to mess this up – I don’t think that I am messing it up – but there’s this voice in the back of my head (no points for guess who it sounds like) telling me that I need to get a move on and put some work in, that if I’m not actively losing weight, then I’m failing.
There’s so much head stuff that needs to be worked through. Today, I have the last few presents arriving to be wrapped up (as well as some due on Thursday), but other than that, I wonder if I might just be doing myself a favour if I wrap up with cup-a-soup and sleep the day away.
Stripes found the dissolvable antipressants so I’ve started taking those – I’ll build them up but it’s good to know that we’ve got them here. She also made me a pina colada smoothie for breakfast, although it’s difficult because not only can I not taste a damned thing, I’m struggling to breathe with a blocked nose so I don’t know how much of it I’m going to be able to consume. Some Vicks vapour rub under my nose, have taken my paracetamol and drunk some protein water, and I think it’s definitely time to shut down the tech and see if I can sleep again! Might post more later!
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