Transition to Normal Food⟫ Ongoing
Well, as long as I don’t chicken out, I’m about to do something really flippin’ scary and post some progress pictures. I’m blurring my face – not sure why but there we have it. I didn’t start taking proper progress photos of my body until the end of October when I knew the surgery was happening so I don’t have any comparable pictures of me at my biggest, which was just shy of 458 lbs. As of this morning, I weigh about 338 lbs and I would ultimately like to get down to around 175 lbs although I know that even with surgery, that might not be something I can attain.
Feeling very vulnerable and very scared. Originally when I placed the photos side by side, I couldn’t see a difference but looking at them more logically rather than emotionally, I can see some changes. My butt is smaller, the bulges are getting smaller and the bit of flab that is hanging over the edge of my sports bra in the first picture is definitely smaller. I keep reading people say to take the progress photos because they are irrefutable proof that the changes are happening, but I’m not sure I agree with that at the moment.
I did stop myself going down the rabbit hole of doing side by side comparisons with ALL of the photos – we take them front, back and both sides – so there’s that I suppose. I need to have an ‘official progress photos’ outfit to make comparison easier from now on.
So how has February been? Well, variable. I am feeling a lot of the blahs – not wanting to read, knit or play video games. We’ve got into jigsaws in a big way – well, I have. I’ve just bought four new puzzles and a board to do them on – it keeps us busy and I guess it keeps my brain working. Food-wise, I seem to be in a rut. For quite a while I was literally having cheese strings, Babybel and fish as well as drinking a lot of protein clear whey protein. My current favourite flavour is Vimto but I am looking at cheaper, different versions that help with getting my protein numbers up. I am trying to branch out – Stripes bought me some protein pancakes and yesterday I had one with some yoghurt and mango puree. The pancake didn’t taste of anything much, but it was most likely the most solid food I’ve eaten since surgery. Well, until last night anyway.
One night a week, I order take out. It’s to give Stripes a break from doing most of the cooking and since I can’t exactly take over the kitchen and do a slap up spread for everyone, this is the best that I can do. Last night we had kebabs and I ordered a chicken kebab with extra salad in a pitta bread. I didn’t have any of the pitta bread – a deliberate choice – and I aimed for the chicken and salad. I’ve realised that I am still not listening to my body cues – I felt the constriction, but still pushed myself to eat more of the chicken than I needed. So I’ve decided that from now on, I’ll order the take out for the girls and just have something from home. I don’t want to mess this up just because I sometimes feel like it’s not working, or I’m bored, or just – whatever reasons my monkey brain comes up with.
That’s progress though, right? That I recognise it as a dangerous temptation and removing it from my options.
I’m struggling a bit with BMs – they’re not solid but they’re not diarrhoea and I’m taking ages in the bathroom with not much in the way of results. I guess that won’t be helping me feel good generally but I’m not sure what do to about it. I don’t know if I want to try one of those Miralax things in case it causes a dramatic reaction, but maybe that’s what I need? A good clear out of my system, similar to how it used to happen when I was taking Ozempic. It’s possibly happening because of the sheer amount of cheese that I’m consuming – string cheese and Babybel might be good as a protein snack, but I’m not sure they’re doing my insides much good. I want to say that I’ll cut down on them, or even cut them out altogether for a while, but then what do I eat instead?
I’m still not managing three meals per day and have only just got my calories above 500 per day. It’s a difficult one – maybe I need to have another look at that bariatric cook book I bought. Eggs are okay but I don’t find them comfortable to eat every day. Maybe I should try to have a pancake with yoghurt for breakfast, a chicken breast for lunch and then fish for dinner? I might have a chat with Stripes about it, see what she thinks.
I haven’t tried the Leslie Sansone walking video again since the first time and nor have I done the resistance bands. I have pain in my hip from when I first tried doing these and as I am still suffering with a dull pain in my main ‘bitch’ stitch, I don’t want to try to get down on the floor and do some rowing using the bands. However, I do try to shuffle around the flat regularly so I am still moving. I think I need to do more – maybe just do the resistance bands rowing whilst on the bed? I know it won’t be as steady, but it will cause me less pain I hope. I think I want to try to do them every other day initially. I did do some seated yoga this morning so there’s that.
We have someone from the council coming sometime tomorrow to have another look at the shower pump, which will hopefully sort that out. It would be nice if it could get sorted because I am longing for a shower! Book_grim is feeling better – she has an ultrasound booked for 16th February and needs to book in for blood tests. Stripes has to book in for blood tests as well, and her Dr is sending her for a full work-up, just to be sure everything is working the way that it should. I haven’t heard anything from the dieticians about my next appointment, but I know it should be within the next three months so I’m not worried at this point in time. It does feel a little like we’ve just been set free and told to lose weight. I know they gave us the Bariatric booklet but it feels a little light in terms of support, but that may just be me feeling that.
It’s my birthday on Sunday and I basically asked the girls for a Home Bargains haul! I don’t need anything and there’s no point in buying clothes because (a) I don’t go anywhere and (b) I have no idea what size to ask for, so there’s that.
I think we’re all caught up at what’s been happening in February so far. I want to try to write another chapter of my latest fanfic and then do some reading as I have about four ARCs to get through, so that’s all for now.
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