Mashables/Soft Foods Week⟫ Day 1
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed at the lack of movement on the scales – I was really hoping to hit 50kgs off. I know I can still do it before the end of the year, but for some reason I was so sure that it was going to happen today.
Today began mashables/soft foods and both Stripes and I are feeling a little adrift without a paddle. The Bariatric bible says what kinds of foods to make but it doesn’t really seem to say meals which means it can feel a bit like lobbing a group of foods together and hoping they taste good!
Today, I have had two scrambled eggs, a coconut and peach smoothie, some all bran, chicken stew and milk. That kinda looks like five meals in the day – kinda. I suffered from some pretty epic diarrhoea today – it reminded me of shortly after the surgery when it felt like my body was doing some major inner cleansing. I can’t even begin to figure out what may have kicked it off – maybe the smoothie? Not enough protein in it or something? Anyway, yet another reason why I was so hopeful about dropping that half a kilo but it was not to be.
I had a rough night’s sleep last night – was up at 3 am and writing to Jay, just spewing out all of my thoughts. Here are a couple of the essays I wrote!
1) 3am in the morning and I'm wide awake - couldn't tell you why, just that I'm not best pleased about it! I think today may well be the first time that I have actively regretted the surgery. When I was using Ozempic, I still felt like I had a lot of control - if I wanted to eat something 'bad', I could make that choice knowing the consequences (generally a very upset stomach, occasional vomiting, cramps, etc.) whereas this all feels very confusing, I feel lost and like I have no control. There are times when I can drink some of a smoothie and I'm fine - other times, just one sip makes everything clench and hurt; sipping liquids is so unsatisfying sometimes - sometimes I miss the ability to glug down water when I'm feeling thirsty.
2) I also find myself comparing myself to other people. On Ozempic, it could be very lonely because basically the Dr writes the prescription and off you go. Losses and gains are all personal because everyone is eating differently, so it's harder to compare yourself. I've been on Reddit a few times and seen people who have lost 66lbs in two months and I can't help but compare my results with that. I know that it's early days - I know that it's only been three weeks and I've lost just under a stone so I should be happy. I just feel like - could I have done this carrying on with Ozempic? It's a weird place to be. My incisions feel like they're tugging - not painful, just not quite right - and this cold just won't go away which is making things worse. Today I snapped at Nina because she was crunching her crisps too loudly. I apologised and explained that I was going through some head stuff, but I just feel so ruddy awful. I know it can and will get better - maybe I need to sleep sitting up more often to help with the tugging? Tomorrow I start mashable food so the change in food will be nice. I just - I just feel a bit blank, a lot lost, and very sorry for myself.
I finally crashed out but in order to do so, I had to sleep upright using the giant cushion thing I bought. It definitely helps with the pain and discomfort but I would hardly call it comfortable. We’re talking about turning my mattress over when we change my bedding for my Christmas stuff – maybe that will help? My incisions are surrounded by little forests of white-heads, most likely from the Vaseline I’ve been using to keep them moist and both Stripes and Book_grim managed to stop me from trying to pop them. I think they are where most of the itching is coming from and it’s so aggravating but I don’t want to put anything else on them as apparently using Germolene or Savlon or whatever can make the incisions get all gunked up which I definitely do not want. Tomorrow I want a nice long shower – moisturise all the bits I can comfortably reach and maybe paint my fingernails and toenails. Do my bit to get festive!
The shop is due from Asda which includes a shit-ton of flavoured Green yoghurt, as well some more mango puree which I have missed – the peaches didn’t hit the spot at all, giving more of a fragrance than a taste. I also ordered a bariatric air fryer cookbook that includes recipes that might help us plan meals a bit better. It won’t get here until Friday as I missed the last Christmas deliveries but to be fair, the next few days have meals sorted: the remaining chicken stew Stripes made today, as well as the ‘traditional’ Christmas dinner.
Tonight is the last night Book_grim is working before Christmas so tomorrow should (hopefully) be quite relaxing. Stripes has the second part of the baking for her Dad’s side of the family to be getting on with and I have a couple of books to read, as well as starting to watch ‘Luke Cage’ on Disney+ - maybe watching Mike Colter will put me in a good mood!
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