Sick 'n' Tired of Being Sick 'n' Tired

SW ⟫ CW ⟫ GW

207.7 ⟫ 189.1 ⟫ 186.93

Ozempic ⟫ 0.5 mg

Well that was a bit of a shit week. Fatigued beyond even the normal, guessing what would stay put and hoping not to have the list of food I can eat and keep down made even smaller; unable to sleep and then sleeping like the dead. Yeah, not the best week ever.

In the back of my mind is the knowledge that on Monday is the pre-op nurse appointment. I don’t even know why I’m panicking about it – it’s a telephone conversation, not a test I can fail or the point of no return. I think my friend Sarah put it best – oh shit, things have got real.

I still don’t know if I was suffering from a lurgy but after the Teenager came home from Halls because she wasn’t feeling well, then a lurgy was a definite. Fortunately no more throwing up, but things at the other end were turbulent. It seemed like literally every time I ate something, I ended up in the bathroom – almost as if there was only room for a certain amount of food, so every time I had something to eat I had to evacuate something else. It’s exhausting and so wearing – I was actually in tears last night because I am just so absolutely fed up of feeling so crap all of the time.

I keep reading about people who’ve had no side effects, the weight is falling off of them, they feel healthier than they have in years and I admit I feel envious. I would LOVE to be one of those people who are finding it easy but I’m not. The food noise is gone and so have some of the cravings, but I still feel like shit and not being able to eat anything without worrying about it worsening the side effects is draining.

I vacillate between feeling guilty that I’m complaining when this is working for me (I’m so close to having lost 21 kg which would be my first 10% off) and feeling sorry for myself that I’m struggling and suffering so much. I remember back when I initially did the Cambridge diet (VLCD) that we used to call it STF syndrome (*scared to fart) because things were just so messed up and I’m back there now. I also know that it’s not as simple as not taking my next shot – this stuff stays in your system for at least a fortnight after taking the shot, so it could be yet another 2 weeks of suffering even after stopping.

At this point in time, I don’t plan on stopping. I have to be honest with myself an admit that there is absolutely no chance I would have lost the weight I have without the Trulicity/Ozempic. I haven’t been in the 180s in over five years and as long as the weight keeps coming off, I’ll keep taking the shots.

But man, what I wouldn’t give for a break where I didn’t feel like crap and felt too scared to go too far from the bathroom.

The Tattoos That Weren't & Side Effects

SW ⟫ CW ⟫ GW

207.7 ⟫ 191 ⟫ 186.93

Ozempic ⟫ 0.5 mg

Yesterday I was meant to go for my birthday tattoos – the ones I was meant to get on my birthday but had to postpone because I went down with a bug. I thought the bug was done with me, but apparently not.

I was up, dressed, eyebrows in place and they looked pretty good, and feeling fine in a new dress Just before we decided to order the uber, I thought I should go to the bathroom. Bearing in mind the night before I had had soup and bread rolls for dinner, as well as about four Ferrero Roche, I thought things were fine.

This wasn’t the worst bathroom incident I’ve had since being on Trulicity/Ozempic but it did take me completely by surprise. Basically, everything I ate the night before was coming out the bottom end and then I threw up the toast I had for breakfast at the same time. By the time I was able to stagger out of the bathroom, Stripes had already cancelled my tattoo appointment (I sent £30 to apologise for the late notice/waste of time because I value my tattoo artist and didn’t want her to think I was taking the piss cancelling two weeks in a row). I felt grey, light-headed, empty stomached and generally as weak as a newborn kitten.

I spent the rest of the day tucked up in bed, and managed to keep down/in soup and bread rolls and that was pretty much it for the day. I tried to drink more water but had/have to be careful as sometimes cold water hits my empty stomach and makes me want to throw up.

I am now scared to plan anything because I cannot imagine what would have happened if we had already been at the tattoo shop when this happened. I’m not fast enough on my crutches to get to a strange bathroom and I certainly don’t want to have an accident/puke in public. I found myself musing before I got to sleep whether or not this meant that I couldn’t go out until I had lost a LOT more weight.

This also made me think that all of the people saying taking semaglutide is the easy way out have no clue what they are talking about. I felt like I was being wrung out using my stomach, with everything coming out of both ends and it was a horrible, horrible feeling. I’m half tempted to read through everything I’ve written since November to see just how much these side effects are taking over my life but what good would it do? I’m still not going to come off of them – losing weight is worth the discomfort and sickness. I just need to lower my expectations of what I’m capable of doing,

And book any new tattoos for the day after my injection when I have pretty much zero inclination to eat and should therefore not have these results/side effects.

Saturday morning and I’m too scared to eat toast and have a generally rumbly feeling in my stomach that precedes an incident. I guess whether it’s a lurgy or just the Ozempic, it’s not finished with me yet.

The Mind-F*ck that is Choices/Decisions

SW ⟫ CW ⟫ GW

207.7 ⟫ 192.2 ⟫ 186.93

Ozempic ⟫ 0.5 mg

Well, I appear to have entered the world of the mind-fuck. On Monday, I had my telephone appointment with Violet, my Endocrinology nurse. She was very pleased with my progress and said if there are any issues getting hold of Ozempic to get in touch with her as she will push for them to prescribe Zepbound which is the new semaglutide that has just been approved. I was riding high on that and my birthday weekend despite having a very upset stomach and feeling like death.

Today, Violet calls back to give me a heads up that the surgery team would be in touch with me soon with regard to potentially getting the gastric sleeve in May. MAY! I thought it was going to be December at the earliest because of the wait times so in my mind, I had another 10 months to see just how much weight I could get off and maybe not even need the surgery. Less than half an hour later, the phone goes and its the surgery administrator wanting to book me in for a face-to-face with the anaesthetist and practice nurse next Friday!

I was high on flippin’ Big Narstie because my knees were hurting and I was desperate for sleep, so I had to try and be ‘normal’ but inside I was freaking out. I couldn’t make the first appointment they offered me, so I am now booked in for late March with the anaesthetist and February 26th with the nurse.

I can honestly admit that I am freaking out. It was one thing to think I had ten months to make a difference and perhaps not have the surgery. May just feels so soon and my brain is running through scenarios like a pair of squirrels fighting in a sack.

* if I turn down the surgery and determine that I can do this on Ozempic or the like and then what happens if there are supply issues or I get too sick and can’t continue on it? Does that mean I have to start the whole process for weight loss surgery all over again?

* if I go for the surgery, what if that means I’m not giving the non-surgical route time to work? Surgery is irreversible – am I ready for that?

* there are so many people fighting for a place on the wait-list and I’m thinking of turning it down – am I insane? Stupid? Panicked?

Pretty much the best scenario that I can think of is if the anaesthetist says that I’m currently unsuitable and they give me longer to lose some weight – going into surgery at over 400 lbs is no joke and I want to give myself the best chance of survival. And then maybe I’ll be able to get it off with the Ozempic or whatever in the meantime?

I feel like such an idiot being so freaked out about this – I’ve been trying to get this whole WLS thing sorted for nearly four/five years and now it might be happening, I’m bottling it. I know it’s not that simple – when I first started this journey, Ozempic, Trulicity, etc weren’t exactly well known and I was stuck at the bottom of a deep, dark hole looking up and wanting to cry.

Stripes was so helpful – she listened to my stoned ramblings, made sense of them and then just made it okay. No, we don’t have the answers but we have time and we have a plan. And we just stick to that. So, I keep taking the injections, survive the side effects (seriously, the toilet issues have been unreal ) and lose the weight. If and when the anaesthetist tells us if I’m suitable, we move to the next step.

And we have Violet on our side. She has been instrumental in keeping me going – always so empathetic, helpful – if she says she’s going to chase someone, she does, and her honesty and willingness to go above and aboard has made so much difference to me.

Tomorrow is injection day and I think I’m going to stick to jabbing the back of my arm as I think there have been less side effects this week. The scales did go down to 191 kgs the other day but we’ll see where things lie tomorrow morning at ‘official’ weigh in, 2024 has been a trip so far!

Into February 2024 - Week 2 of Ozempic

SW ⟫ CW ⟫ GW

207.7 ⟫ 193.5 ⟫ 186.93

Drugs:⟫ Ozempic 0.5 mg

My poo is green. TMI I know, but it’s freaking green! According to Dr Google, it’s possibly a stomach bug or food is passing through my body too fast and as a result, bile doesn’t have time to break down properly.

Yuck.

Coming to the middle of week 2 on Ozempic and I have near constant nausea, headaches, either constipation or diarrhoea and feel exhausted. So I guess it’s working then!

I’ve seen the scales move downwards which is reassuring – I can’t shake this fear that somehow this is going to stop working for me and I’m going to find the scales start rocketing upwards, but so far, not the case.

I understand people saying that taking this affects how they think and feel. My brain is kinda full with stuff – normal, stressful home stuff, but also what happens if? Like, if this stops working? Or what happens if/when I get to a ‘normal’ weight? Do I have to be on this for the rest of my life? And if so, can I cope with all of these side effects? Then I feel ungrateful because there are so many people who want to try Ozempic who can’t afford it/get hold of it, and here I am whining about how it’s working.

This brain stuff is hard.

I’m relatively used to the digestive issues – I’ve suffered from IBS for years even if I didn’t realise it at the time – so bathroom stuff has been an issue for a looong time. But the nausea, exhaustion and general aching are new and I’m just scared that this is it forever.

It’s my birthday on Friday and part of me wants to celebrate as I usually do, with my choice of cake made by Stripes and a take out meal. I’m also going for a full day tattoo so will more than likely be exhausted from that too. But I’m not sure take-out is worth the fear of bathroom repercussions or nausea. This obviously isn’t my first time being on a diet over my birthday but it IS the first time that chemical intervention will affect the choices I make.

I’ve also been thinking of using up some of the Exante shakes that I have – just to get in vitamins and nutrients as during the day, I can’t honestly say that I’m eating well. I’m not eating a lot, but I’m not eating balanced meals either. Banana for breakfast, sandwiches for dinner with a rice pudding for dessert. That’s pretty much been my diet for the last couple of days – I had far too many sweets when Book was over for the weekend because we were gaming and I wasn’t paying attention, which is probably why my gastrointestinal issues are so bad.

I still haven’t taken the photographs I talked about. No excuses, but I’ve been so tired that I just didn’t have the energy to try to get some good photos. I really want to at least get some good images of my face so I can track any differences – I think I’ll make that my goal for this week.

January 2024 Round Up

SW ⟫ CW ⟫ GW

207.7 ⟫ 195.7 ⟫ 186.93

Drug Plan:⟫ Ozempic 0.5 mg

Another month over and time for a bit of a round-up. The constipation issue is still causing problems – I did manage to ‘go’ but was disappointed as I still feel rough as balls and over-full. I am also still struggling with cravings for sweet things, generally eating stuff that I haven’t eaten for quite some time and way too much of it.

I guess it could be stress – stuff always going on in my head whether it’s about what’s happened in the recent past, something I’m dreading for the future, or simply my brain doing weird and wonderful things. I just wish I could have remained in that Trulicity head-space. I wonder if maybe I’m psyching myself out? I took my second Ozempic injection today – definitely did it correctly as there was the teeniest, tiniest spot of blood at the injection site, so I guess that’s reassuring inasmuch as I appear to be doing that correctly.

I’ve asked Stripes to empty the fridge in my room of all the little treats I’d stashed in there – hopefully that will stop any late night snacking or at least make me think about it properly first rather than giving in to impulse.

I’m also considering taking some photographs. The thought actually makes me feel more than a little sick, but one of the best ways to see results is to take photos that you can compare things to. Maybe I’m feeling nauseous at the thought in case these turn into yet another set of photos of when I started something that I failed to finish? On the other hand, it would be really cool if I could see myself develop Ozempic face? I have seen some really cool progress photos that other people have posted that demonstrate this so clearly and would love to see if that happens for me.

I’m trying to be more positive – both in my head and out loud – but I’m not sure how well I’m doing at that. There is a lot of negative self-talk in my head that I struggle to block out, and now that I’ve done a week of Ozempic and seen no weight loss, the little voice is having a field day telling me that I might as well give up, that it’s obvious Ozempic isn’t going to work for me, that I’m just being lazy and should eat less, do more (those words should be tattooed onto the forehead of every Doctor in my life who’s told me it’s that simple and I should be able to do it so that they can SEE them every single day, the same way they live rent-free in my head).

Positives:

⟫ I made it through week one of Ozempic with minimal side effects;

⟫ Although the scales haven’t moved downwards, they haven’t moved upwards either;

⟫ I’m grateful that my GP was willing to prescribe Ozempic and give me the opportunity to continue on this journey with its’ assistance;

⟫ I recognise the temptation of the things I chose to put into my fridge and am taking action to remove that temptation;

⟫ my nails are growing strong!

Moving in to February, I need to show more gratitude, be more aware of the things I say in my head, and make better food/snack choices – I have my birthday to celebrate but apart from that, I can’t think of any big ‘social’ events that require food-thought/preparation. Overall, January has gone well and I am grateful for that.

Nearly a week on Ozempic...

SW ⟫ CW ⟫ GW

207.7 ⟫ 195.2 ⟫ 186.93

Drug Plan:⟫ Ozempic 0.5 mg

How the heck do I tell if this is working? I followed the injection instructions and was pretty sure I was feeling something but after a few more days I’m really not sure. There’s been some mild irritation of the injection site, but the ‘feelings’ I am used to after injecting Trulicity are absent.

I’ve been struggling with feeling so hungry all the time! Actually, I shouldn’t say all the time as that’s not accurate. I’m sleeping better (thank you Big Narstie Moroccan Peaches!) and when I wake up, I do feel like I’ve had some sleep, but I’m generally not hungry first thing in the morning so I drink iced water.

That hasn’t changed much, but as soon as I’ve had breakfast – whether it be toast or a flapjack – I am rampaging hungry! I’ve been having my main meal so early – like anytime from 4 pm – and then for the rest of the day, I want to snack on things constantly. I am going to bed early (for me) like anything from 10.30 pm to just after midnight, so the out of control eating thing is probably around 12 hours max. But I wasn’t struggling like this when I was on Trulicity.

The scales aren’t moving – not up or down, but I am up from my lowest low which I think was 191 kg. I guess this could be the transition and also that I’m on a relatively low dose of Ozempic. I believe the therapeutic dose is from 1mg upwards and I’m on half of that.

I’m also suffering from constipation so feel bloated and sluggish. I’ve taken Dulcolax twice with little results. I’m almost tempted to have one of the VLCD shakes I have on hand as they often lead to stomach upset. Sounds awful to admit that I’d rather have the world falling out of my butt at the moment than struggle for much longer like this. I just feel like I have a bowling ball in my stomach constantly, and I can’t relax because I’m constantly waiting for the diarrhoea to start.

I know this isn’t a short term thing and I need to manage my expectations. My body is probably confused and I know I’m stressed with stuff that’s going on. Trust the process but keep an eye on things I guess. Now I need to try to find a relatively comfortable way to sit/lie with this poop bowling ball causing me so much grief!

And on to Ozempic

Start Weight in November 2023:⟫ 207.7 kg 457.9 lbs

Current Weight in January 2024:⟫ 195.2 kg 430.3 lbs

Eating Plan:⟫ Ozempic 0.5 mg

Shocker of shockers, my doctor’s appointment was not to discuss the Trulicity but to talk to me about the Oviva programme. It’s a funded VLCD whereby they take you through a 12-week meal replacement then help you come off of that safely. I did actually look into this last year and self-referred. It took ages for them to come back to me, and when they did they said they needed more information from my surgery. I got in touch with the surgery to find out what the hold-up was, and was asked to forward the email to them and they would handle it.

(Narrator:) They did not, in fact, handle it.

Oviva discharged me from their programme due to non-response, so I chased the surgery again. Same person I spoke to who remembered me but ultimately, what I got back was that it was too late and they would have to start the referral process again.

Hence the phone call!

Anyhow, I explained about that snafu and also about the Trulicity being out of stock and we had a really good conversation. She was extremely impressed with how I’d done whilst taking the Trulicity and could completely understand my desire to continue on some kind of semaglutide, but ultimately it was down to supply issues. We spoke about Rybelsus and Ozempic and what was easiest to get hold of, and we decided Ozempic at 0.5mg was the easiest to get hold of at the moment so we would go with that and review the situation in six weeks.

She also moved me to a higher dose of Metformin in slow release form as she thought it made sense to get the best out of all of the medications I was taking, and also changed my Atorvastatin. It was quite possibly one of the most positive medical interactions I’ve had apart from the nurse who takes care of my Endocrinology appointments who I would marry if I could because she’s just so incredibly supportive and kind, even when our conversations stray from diabetes etc.

I didn’t want to make the swap to Oviva when the semaglutide is working for me – I’ve done VLCDs so often in the past and although I can lose weight, it’s so difficult to stick to. It made no sense to me to go back to that when I was finding that Trulicity was working for me.

Stripes picked up the prescription and I admit, I was a little squeamish. The thing about Trulicity injections is that it’s like a pen where the actual needle is pretty much completely hidden – spring release, ouch and done. This felt way more deliberate – opening and screwing on the needle, the test where you get a droplet of Ozempic on the tip of the needle (should have taken a picture as it would have looked so cool), then injection site and press, count to six. I hate needles – always have, which is kinda hysterical if you could see just how many tattoos I have – but I have to be completely honest and say not only did I not feel this needle, I was pretty much convinced that I had messed up and nothing had gone in!

The effects feel different – or maybe it’s the change to different type and amount – but the overly-full, nauseous feeling I was used to from Trulicity wasn’t there. In fact, the best way to describe it is a kind of big nothing – I don’t feel hungry, don’t feel sick, don’t feel much of anything when it comes to the whole food thing. But I think it is working. I saw an advert for the new McDonald’s Steakhouse and I thought that looked absolutely gorgeous and yes, I wanted some. I could picture it in my mind, as well as the hot, crispy, salty fries and how they would taste on my tongue – heck yeah.

Dinner time and the thought of the burger made me feel ‘meh’. Like, was it worth any potential gastrointestinal distress for a burger? And somehow my brain said nah, let’s not bother. And that was it – no back and forth about whether I really wanted it or not, would it taste as good as the adverts made it look, no bartering with myself about what I wouldn’t have if I decided to have the burger. It was just – nah not today.

I don’t know if anyone other than a ‘food addict’ or however you would describe some people who suffer with food noise, but this was pretty wild for me – even after ten weeks on Trulicity. With Trulicity, it was often the fear of the consequences that stopped me over-eating or choosing the ‘wrong’ things – that and the ever-present lump in my throat and feeling like everything I’d eaten was just sitting there, making my stomach and chest feel heavy. This wasn’t so much fear of the consequences as lack of real inclination to bother with that food.

The constipation is still real but I’m pretty sure that’s a leftover from Trulicity and I won’t see if Ozempic is going to affect me the same way for a little while. And I know it’s only been a couple of days so things might change in terms of this but I think that so far this is the smoothest transition I could have hoped for. And of course, I need to keep my eye on the supply issues so that I know what’s going on. I have three weeks’ worth left and a whole lot can happen in three weeks.