Into March 2024 - 20kg down

02/03/24 SW ⟫ CW ⟫ GW

207.7 ⟫ 187.7 ⟫ 186.93

Ozempic ⟫ 0.5 mg

The first chunk of this is how I was feeling on Wednesday night.

I’ve delayed my Ozempic shot and I’m not sure why. I mean, I’ve been having a miserable time with the galloping trots for over a week, but I was pretty positive that I could ride out the side effects. Also, this flu/cold thing just won’t go away – this evening, my throat feels raw, my glands are up and I feel freaking awful. But I was managing all of that.

What if this is me sabotaging myself, making excuses to come off of the Ozempic because it’s working and that’s fucking scary. I briefly saw 186 kgs on the scales the other day (although they ultimately settled at 188) and I really haven’t seen that number for well over five years. Part of a double chin has gone (this is when photos would have been really helpful) and my jawline is slightly more defined. Hardly Ozempic face but I can see it. Sometimes.

So I think I need to make sure that I take my shot tomorrow morning and not let this continue. Strange to think with all of the freedom to eat whatever I wanted, I had soup and sourdough bread. Admittedly, I did have two more slices of bread with lemon curd/ginger preserve, but I didn’t have breakfast so even with the extra bread, I didn’t go overboard.

I wish I could go back to Trulicity. I really felt more in control when I was on it. I seemed to have figured out the side effects and was settled with what I was eating. I guess partly superstition as it was working for me so why change it and disliking change in general. That being said, this is my fifth Ozempic injection (once I take it) so that should mean it’s nearly a habit. I remember reading somewhere that it takes six weeks to establish a pattern/habit in which case, shouldn’t it be easier by now?

I still struggle to figure out if I am truly hungry or if it’s thirst. Example, this evening at bedtime, my stomach was cramping and grumbling. I can’t tell if it’s hunger or just the rumblings of IBS and/or Ozempic. Why can’t I read the simple cues my body is giving me?

Okay, I think I need to get some photos of at least my face so I can do comparisons when I start to lose faith that this is working and differences can be seen. So maybe tomorrow I’ll ask Stripes to take some photos but not show me. And then do it again at the end of March.

Apart from the appointment with the anaesthetist on Monday, I have no real clue what happens next, so injection and ride out the side effects. A day at a time.

+ + + X + + +

I did take my injection but I think I fucked up. I’ve been reading about people not taking the full 0.5 mg and I decided to give that a go. I’m not sure how much I did take – possibly half, maybe a little more and I did the injection in the back of my arm like I have been doing. Since then, I’ve been feeling nauseous, feeling like my mouth is full of water and just not right. I haven’t had a repeat of the upset stomach (yet) and I feel maybe hungrier but that might all be in my head.

What am I saying, most of this is in my head. I feel like a complete basket case. Monday is looming large as I am meeting the anaesthetist at Solihull Hospital and everything becomes terrifying real once again.

I half decided that I should be treating myself to something to celebrate my weight loss but I am at a loss as to what I should do. I don’t really want to buy clothes – like, where the hell do I go? Nail varnish maybe? Heck, I’m so freaking lost at the moment it’s not funny.

I guess I just need to take a deep breath and keep going. All I can do really. Next Thursday is my shot day now and I think I will do another ‘half’ and see how it goes. The scales are still going down – I should be celebrating madly as I have officially lost 20 kg and although I haven’t lost 10% of my body weight yet, I am pretty damn close. But I can’t see it or feel it so I feel like a fraud celebrating it. I read the semaglutide subreddits with these people dropping over 100lbs in less than a year and can’t imagine being in that position.

But I have lost 44.09 lbs – not a small achievement. Why can’t I see it? Why can’t I be happy about it? How far do I have to come before it starts being visible?

Photos. I need to take photos.