It's not about the beans.....

SW ⟫ CW ⟫ GW

207.7 ⟫ 187.8 ⟫ 168.2

Ozempic ⟫ 0.5 mg

I’m having a wibble. The last couple of days I have been eating beans – major craving which was beans on toast on Sunday, and beans with fried eggs yesterday. This morning, the scales have gone up to 187.8. So many thoughts racing through my head, probably not helped by the fact that I’ve been awake since 5 a.m. but the panic has kicked in that Ozempic is no longer working for me. Yesterday I felt like I was starving ALL day but I don’t know if that was actual physical hunger or simply a normal blip in life?

Added to which, I haven’t been suffering from any stomach upsets so I haven’t ‘been’ in a few days. That could be why, right? I’m panicking for nothing. I kinda know I’m panicking for nothing and besides which, my next jab is due on Friday so even if things have petered off, there’s a ‘solution’ coming up in a few days. Yet my mind is going insane.

Part of it is because I ordered myself some Crocs. I saw them on a post on Reddit and fell in love with them. The person wearing them said that they were wide-fitting and I thought ‘well my Crocs are swimming around my feet so maybe I’ve lost enough weight to fit into these’. That was a HUGE nope. I couldn’t get my foot into one of them properly and the squeeze was painful so obviously they had to go back. Then I got my mother’s day present from the girls and although they look gorgeous on (up to the knee chocolate brown boots) the muffin top of fat over the top of them kinda broke my heart. It’s like somehow in my head I’d built this up like I’d lost more weight than I actually have. Or maybe it’s just a distorted view of what I actually look like.

And no, I still haven’t got some photos taken. Yeah, I know I said I would but I didn’t. I was also going to do some of the Mantra work and I didn’t do that either. Jesus, what am I doing with my time? So now I’m sat up in bed, kinda wishing for an upset stomach to ‘clear me out’ which is insane since it’s less than a week where I was bemoaning the side effects and how I spend so much damned time in the bathroom.

I was trying to figure out if I just keep doing what I’m doing for the rest of the week – if I want beans, I’ll have beans and then come Friday see what the injection brings. Like this has anything at all to do with the beans – I know the beans are not responsible for me putting on a kilo, I’m not that stupid. It’s just – sometimes my head is a messed up place. LMAO, sometimes is a misnomer because my head is always a messed up place! Today, I have an ARC to read and review, my order from Simply Be is due (I finally spent my birthday money on a dress, longline maxi cardigan and some zip trainers because reaching down to do laces just isn’t happening), and hopefully the wool I ordered to do the blanket for my new great-nibling to be will arrive and I can do some crochet. I also want to change my bedding, do a food shop and at least look at the Mantra stuff.