i wish my brain would be quiet.....

SW ⟫ 207.7 | CW ⟫ 178.5 | MGW ⟫ 168.2

Ozempic: ⟫ 0.5 mg

I am slowly losing my sanity. Gidget has been radio silence since Sunday, so I have no idea whether or not they handed in all of their assignments on time. I’ve tried calling a few times but had no answer – I know they’re still alive as they were active on both Instagram and WhatsApp at different times – I guess they’re just avoiding me. I’m not sure if it’s because we’ve scheduled a family chat for Wednesday regarding the summer, if it’s because the assignments weren’t handed in and she doesn’t want to tell me, or because she’s all ‘peopled’ out after putting in the work.

It’s frustrating on many levels, not least because the last full conversation we had in person, both Stripes and I both made sure to let her know that what she does affects ALL of us, and that communication goes a long way to alleviating stress on both sides. But yet, once again, she’s chosen not to be in touch. The last time it happened, I was knackered as fuck after another sleepless night and she apologised, but then she went straight back to doing it again. I want to ignore the whole situation – put it to the back of my mind – but I am struggling so much.

Stripes offered to call – just in case Gidget would pick up a call from her – but I said no. One, because it’s not fair to put Stripes in the middle, and two because it fucking hurts when Gidget will answer a call from Stripes but not me. It feels so fucking targeted, like yeah, it’s not that I don’t want to talk, it’s that I don’t want to talk to you. At my age, shouldn’t I be past that kind of petty hurt? Shouldn’t I be able to shrug it off and just see it as a symptom of how Gidget and I clash in communication styles? I want to be able to do all of that – just put it away until the next time she’s due around here – which is tomorrow now – but, it’s like a rat nibbling constantly at the back of my brain.

This isn't about me - or it shouldn't be - but it affects me, Stripes and Gidget, and reverting to ignoring my calls makes me fear for the summer even more.

I guess there is also a part of me that feels like she couldn’t give two shits about how stressful this is for us. For me. I had a fucking panic attack only last week, but she can’t pick up the phone so I have one last thing to worry about? I don’t want to go on a rant, but maybe that’s the best thing to do – let it all out here so that tomorrow can be as calm as possible.

I’ve had a couple of responses to my post on for your health over on dreamwidth and one of the members is considering making the change from Ozempic to Trulicity, so it’s no longer crickets when I look for people going through the same thing as me. Sometimes I feel like the appetite suppression is still strong but I just don’t notice it. Stripes had a counselling session today and I didn’t eat until she came back, so around 3pm? And I only really started getting hungry towards 3ish. That might also have something to do with the other half of the THC cookie I had last night. Same sky high effects and a chunk of sleep, so physically I am feeling better.

Okay, gratitude, silver lining, whatever. I’ve booked in with Alex for the beginning of the my cover-up on the 19th June. So not only do I have something to look forward to, but it’s in the middle of the Ozempic cycle so the toilet issues shouldn’t be as bad and I should be able to attend. There – positivity!