falling and not just the numbers on the scales

SW ⟫ 207.7 | CW ⟫ 176.9 |

Ozempic: ⟫ 1 mg

I fell over and I feel fucking awful. My knees, wrists, shoulders, fingers, thumb – all hurting like hell and making it very difficult to get comfortable. It happened on the way back from answering the door (who the hell rings someone’s doorbell constantly at 7 am on a Sunday morning?!) and coming through my bedroom door, I just lost my footing and hit the floor. My head hit the plastic cereal box, I put my right hand out to protect myself which I think is how I damaged my thumb, and my knees and shoulders took a huge impact.

I thought that I’d destroyed the bin on my way down (I’m attaching a photo of the dent I put in it even though I have no idea how I managed to do that). Stripes managed to punch the dent out and it looks almost 100% back to normal, but I guess that says something about how hard I fell.

I managed to call Stripes to come and help me get up (which made my knees hurt even more) and I vaped some MC to make it possible for me to go to sleep despite the pain. I don’t want to go up to A&E because my knees are giving me so much grief, walking is next to impossible and getting a taxi that is big enough for my wheelchair can be a real issue. So the plan is to keep on top of my pain relief for the rest of the day, vape some MC later and if things are still bad tomorrow, call the surgery and see if we can get a doctor to make a house call. I don’t know how likely that is because the surgery is typically quite reticent about the idea of home visits, but I can’t see me being able to climb in and out of a taxi twice in one day. My knees just feel like they won’t cope with it.

We had take-out tonight, complete with desserts, so we shall see what the scales are saying. Having had my second jab, I didn’t feel the same amount of pain doing the injection and I think I’m feeling the appetite suppression as I am back to one meal a day plus snacks: strawberries, 3 Jaffa cakes, some chocolate buttons and a yoghurt, then crisps for my ‘weed’ snack later in the evening.

I definitely need to start looking at the Mantra chapter that Stripes let me have. We’ve had such a stressful week – things with Gidget seem to be going as smoothly as possible, but I am kinda expecting a bit of a meltdown in the next week or so. It’s not exactly the norm that your first real partner accuses you of sexual assault and tries to get everyone you work with to hate you – I have no idea how I would have coped with that if it happened to me, and I am struggling with it happening to Gidget.

I’m also finding out certain things about her relationship with JC which are troubling: JC kept forgetting to get tested to show they were ‘clean’; they had unprotected sex at least once and Gidget had to take Plan B; there were more than one occasion when JC would do things and ask her how she felt about them afterwards – so many red flags that we weren’t aware of, that I couldn’t protect her from.

So before she gets involved with someone else, I need to make sure that she gets fully tested and is aware that even in the heat of the moment, she needs to be careful and take care of herself. That just because your partner wants to try something, doesn’t mean that you should; that just because your partner seems like a good person, doesn’t mean that they have your best interests at heart. I hate the thought of this changing Gidget. She’s always been very sex positive, sure in herself (generally) and approaching every relationship with what seems like good faith. This situation with JC has dented that slightly and that’s upsetting. I want her to be confident and strong, dignified and sure of who she is and what she deserves.

And in the middle of all of that, I really need to maintain the focus on myself and help Stripes maintain the focus on herself. So yeah, not much going on for a peaceful Sunday.

Jesus, if I read this shit I’d think it was made up or a soap opera, but it really is my life and all the shit that surrounds it.