Weight Loss Surgery Update

SW ⟫ 207.7 | CW ⟫ 171.7

Ozempic: ⟫ 1 mg

This might be a long one.

On Monday 14th October, I received a phone call from a private number. To be honest, I don’t always answer them – most calls I receive are cold-calls – but I answered. And it was the surgical secretary calling to find out if convenient dates for weight loss surgery. I was a little in shock, but the date given was 28th November with a start date for the pre-op diet of 17th October.

Bear in mind, I haven’t heard anything from the surgical team since my meeting with the anaethetist back in March – I did a post on it here and have just read how it all made me feel. It’s taken them over 8 months to get to me with a surgery date. And yet it took me completely by surprise. Stripes described it well by saying that a cheerful stranger called me up and basically dropped a huge emotional bomb into my world with literally no warning.

So where am I? Well, Monday was a steaming pile of shite. Stripes had her ED meeting so it was just me and Gidget in the flat. She was busy in her room, so I was just sat ruminating, crying, panicking and generally being an idiot. This went on pretty much all day – I thought I was doing okay and then realising that I’m crying again.

Stripes came back from her meeting and I feel so bad because no matter what, it seems like she can never just have the focus on her. I tried, I really did, but I guess I’m not that great at hiding how I feel from her? Then Violet called because she’d heard that I got my surgery date and to check in with me and I ended up bawling down at the phone at her. Great – way to look/sound like a reasonable human being!

I know four people personally who have had weight loss surgery.

⟫ J had the surgery, got down to a size 8/10 and is now around a size 12 (I believe) and working to maintain.

⟫ H lost over 12 stone and is maintaining several years later.

⟫ K lost well over 12 stone and although he reached a good weight, struggled with his mental health.

⟫ O survived the surgery but had a heart attack on the way back to recovery and died.

J has always been really honest with me about all of it – the struggles, the pain, etc. She has five kids, some with special needs, and I asked her how the heck she did it. ”there simply aren’t any old people at the size I was” was the most impactful thing that she said. I’m still ruminating on it.

I don’t know if I’ll be allowed to continue on Ozempic once I’ve had the surgery. That is a question that I need to ask. That’s a BIG question actually.

Anyway, because of how much weight I’ve lost since the last consultation, I start the pre-op diet on 31st October instead of the 17th. I have a load of Exante products that should be fine, although I can’t confirm that until I’ve had the paperwork through. I also have to go for more bloods and speak to my Dr’s surgery about being able to have my medication in crushed or liquid form. I read through some of the paperwork and it looks like you stay in the hospital between 24 and 72 hours after the operation; I’ll need to get various vitamins and stuff to take on a daily basis.

Sorry this is so much ramble but my brain is working overtime. I’ve been struggling to sleep because I keep thinking of what could go wrong. Neither of the girls are on the tenancy with me because when I tried, the council turned me down, but that means if something happens to me they have nowhere to live. And I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to find somewhere that would take the four cats. And what about money? God – there is just so much going on in my head.

I know that this could be life-changing. I’ve lost 80lbs and feel like I haven’t achieved a damned thing, but having this surgery could mean that I lose the remaining 150 lbs quite a bit more easily. Easily – like having half of your stomach removed is easy. But yeah, it would be more likely than the up/down I’ve been having on Ozempic recently. I keep getting to 170ish and then the scales go up again and it’s so frustrating, I could tear my hair out.

My friend, S, suggested I calorie count to see if calories are creeping in but she doesn’t seem to understand that this hasn’t been a diet. I haven’t counted calories or anything like that – I’ve let the Ozempic manage how much I eat and just tried to eat ‘normally’. I don’t want to get into a diet mentality – or more of a diet mentality. I want to be able to eat like a normal person, let the Ozempic deal with the body chemistry issues, and figure out what’s enough without doing low carb or labelling food good or bad.

Family members: my Mum just wants me to be happy and healthy, so sees this as a good thing. She knows I’m scared but thinks I just need to bull through because overall this is something good. Oldest sister says it’s for the best, that she’s been through three surgeries and although she was afraid and hated the thought of the pain she might be in, in the end you have to look forward and ahead.

I haven’t properly talked to the girls yet. I want to try to talk to them one-on-one, make sure that they’re feeling heard. I know the final decision is mine but I want to know their thoughts too.

I feel like I’d be an idiot to turn this down. But I am so fucking scared that I can barely think straight. But ‘J’ is right – how many people weighing nearly 400 lbs life a long life? Or a decent life? What things could be different if/when I lose this weight? I could do more – within the capabilities of things that are not weight related. To not be in so much pain – to be able to walk better because I’m carrying less.

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Well, chats have been had, with the girls as well as my Mother, and I need to take it all in and figure out how I feel. I’ll be back – maybe not today – but I’ll be back.