Surgery Fears and Scattered Mind

SW ⟫ 207.7 | CW ⟫ 170.4 |

Ozempic: ⟫ 1 mg

Okay, I hadn’t realised that it had been so long since I posted. There’s been a lot going on and my mind is a bit scrambled.

I have a weight loss goal of 8.5kg by my surgery date. I don’t do well with deadlines – I always find a way to fuck things up and either have to scramble to make it or turn myself into a complete lunatic trying to do everything possible and maybe still screw things up in the process.

Point in fact: Stripes, Gidget and I sat down and counted the Exante shakes I had on hand for starting the liquid diet next week. We worked out that at three a day, I had 14 days worth, so I went onto the New You website and the Kee Diet to price things out. The issue seemed to be that both of those plans state you should be using four packs a day, which for some reason messed with my head. Like, I had a spreadsheet open and could do the calculation on there and yet I still ended up fucking up the amount I ordered. I did find the water flavourings I used to love so added those to it. Spent just under £170 ordering that and then realised I hadn’t ordered enough.

So off to Superdrug website to see if they had any ready to drink ones I could use. They have Slimfast in packs of 6, so I was going to order three of those so that I had extras and then I got stuck on the vitamins I need to order for after the surgery. Closed that tab.

Had a phone call on Wednesday with a lovely lady called Elaine where we went through a host of questions. She asked if I had previously been given a surgery date and then had it cancelled and I said no, but that I had started to wonder if they’d forgotten about me. Which makes me think that I should have been having all of this closer to March when I met the anaesthetist.

I asked her if I was allowed to continue the Ozempic after the operation and she said she had no idea. She said she’d asked the nurse who was used to handling the bariatric cases and get back to me. I am booked in for repeat bloods this Saturday morning because unfortunately all of the ones I had taken before are now too far out of date. All good – at least we can remind ourselves of where the hospital is and everything.

We’ve set up a spreadsheet with the things we need to do between now and surgery date so that things (hopefully) don’t get forgotten.

Requested liquid/crushable meds from my Doctor who contacted pharmacist. All good – even let me have some Betnovate for my eczema. All good, right? Well, nope because the pharmacist administered all of this stuff now which left us wondering, was I meant to be on liquid stuff from now until the Op? Finally called them and they said put my normal prescription through and use the tablets, etc. until the op then switch to the liquid ones. (High point: the liquid paracetamol is strawberry flavoured and Stripes said it looked like I was going to be taking adult calpol – little things please little minds, so sue me!)

Like I said, my mind is kinda scattered so my posts may be a little – random. I’m worried about the girls. I want/wish that they relied on each other and talked about the stuff that’s worrying them. I know they don’t want to add to my personal worries, but now I’m concerned that they’re bottling things up. Gidget had an appointment today with her Dr re her ADHD meds and he asked her if anything was stressing her out. She said no, at which point Stripes reminded her about the whole ex-stalker drama and me being given a date for surgery, at which point she burst into tears.

So, yeah, there’s definitely stuff going on that’s not being talked about. But what can I say? I’m just as cracked in the head about it all as they are. I’m scared of dying, about how things will be afterwards, about all of it. And that’s on top of the whole waiting to hear back about my PIP.

And on top of all of that, I find the scales are being bastards. There’s no other explanation for it – I’ve got as low as 170.1 (I think) but they just won’t tip over into the 160s. I wonder if I’m sabotaging myself somehow but I don’t see how. I haven’t actively changed how I’m eating – we’ve had ready meals, take out but nothing excessive, I’m drinking my Rio – the numbers just refuse to go down. So, yeah, I’m panicking. About whether I can cope on the liquid diet, on if I lose enough weight before the surgery, about all of it.

My new jimjams turned up and they look too small. I haven’t tried them on simply because I think that if they don’t fit and prove unsuitable, I may just break down and bawl and not stop. And the oven is causing issues – every time its’ turned on, it flips the breaker and we lose power in my end of the flat. The council have said the sockets are all fine so it has to be the cooker. We’re gonna get an electrician in to have a look at the oven but it’s expenditure I could well do without.

Positives? Well, I had to shave Lady Munchington’s private area because she’s been having pooping issues and not been keeping up with her personal hygiene. Get cats they said, they’re sweet, fun and low maintenance they said. Yeah, right! But I did an okay job and she doesn’t hate me any longer – after I did it, she hid in the cat tree in the living room and refused to acknowledge mat all. She seems to have forgiven me now (enough to take some fish from my hands) but that was not something I expected to have to do.