Pre-op Diet⟫ Day 27
Surgery Countdown⟫ 01 day
I want to say that I’m resigned to the fact that I’m not going to meet the medical goal they set for me, but I would be lying. The scales this morning took me back to where I was on 12th November, so in 13 days I’ve basically lost a big fat nothing and I feel shit about it. There’s nothing more I can do – or could have done – and there’s a lot of resentment that I have been trying to *bleeping* hard to get absolutely nowhere.
I fainted on my way back from the bathroom again. We think it’s because I haven’t done such a great job of spacing out my shakes. I had a marigold bouillon yesterday so am trying that again to day to see if it makes me feel a little less out of it. I didn’t get to sleep until nearly 7am and then woke up just after 1pm. Today was meant to be about packing my suitcase, taking up to date photos, all of that jazz. But I can’t seem to get myself to do anything – I feel so apathetic and just – done. I want this over with. I want to be on the other side of surgery – I want this fear to be faced and over with.
Stripes packed my meds and all of that kind of stuff, and Book_grim has been organising the person to come and deep clean the kitchen, and all I’ve managed to do today is whine, cut down my fingernails and faint. Nicely done!
Got to chat to the Oldest and she sounds good – she’s out for a date on Friday and I want to be sentient enough to talk to her, so I need to make damned sure I get fully rested. Tonight and tomorrow night are going to be early ones – I refuse to turn up for surgery on Thursday and sleep through everything the medical staff want me to listen to.
This evening I will be helping Book_grim decide on what gel nail set she wants as a Christmas present, watching 1000 lb Sisters on Discovery+ and resting. Because apparently my brain isn’t prepared to let me do anything else.
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