Transition to Normal Food ⟫ Ongoing
The pain beneath my left breast isn’t getting any better and now it’s accompanied by a sudden blinding pain in my head. It’s hard to describe – it’s like being hit with a hammer, more of a thud than a stabbing pain, but for a moment each time it happens it takes my breath away.
After chatting with Jay, I’ve decided to stop ignoring the suggestions/advice from Stripes and Book_grim to see if I can get a doctor’s appointment. I’m worried that they’re just going to turn around and say that I recently had surgery so I should expect some pain and that they will make me feel like I’m wasting their time, but last night was pretty bad. I was still awake when Book_grim got back from work and ended up sobbing with the pain. I’m struggling with sleep – if I sleep sitting up, it messes with my back, but sleeping lying down seems to make the pain on the left side worse.
We can’t call until Tuesday as Stripes has her ED counselling tomorrow afternoon, but Tuesday morning that’s the plan.
The scales continue to be evil – I saw a quick return to 155s but it’s back to the 156s and I am really down about it. I keep telling myself that I’m following the rules and doing what the bariatric bible says to do so I need to trust the process but in the back of my mind is the fear that I turn out to be one of those people that it doesn’t work for, or even worse that I’m doing something wrong and that’s why the scales aren’t dropping. It’s made worse going onto places like Reddit and people who are six weeks out are complaining that they have only lost 12 kgs since surgery. Like – that’s almost doubt what I’ve lost.
Comparison is the thief of joy should be my new mantra but not sure if it’s helping.
Okay, non scale victories: yesterday I drank nearly two of the 1.2 l bottle which included protein water so that was good; had a shower this evening and was able to comfortably reach to wash my legs and feet; when the bottle from my shower gel fell on the ground, I was easily able to bend down and grab it. All things that it would be so easy to take for granted but that I have struggled with in the past.
Hopefully the bed bugs issue is a thing of the past. Book_grim got rid of her mattress, bedding and anything that had been on the bed and we replaced them. She moved her bedroom around and it looks like when she’s finished, it’s going to be a great space. I have about five bites and am hoping that they come from contact in her room rather than the bedbugs moving into my space. Fingers crossed otherwise I’ll have to replace all of my stuff and I am trying to save for the advance payment for the motability car.
I’ve replaced my interim goal weight to 139.5 kgs which would make my overall loss 150 lbs – I still have no idea where the 141 came from but I’ve given up trying to figure out what it is! Hang on, I’ve just checked NutraCheck, an app I was using to log my food, and that’s where the 141 came from – it represented a 10% loss according to them! Phew, glad I figured out what that was!
Last night, I vaped some weed and it helped me get to sleep and I’m wondering if I should do the same again tonight, especially if I’m going to try to sleep without the recliner cushion. And I hate to say it, but I think I might need to get my eye-sight checked because I’m struggling to focus using my reading glasses. Argh, it’s like as soon as I have anything resembling a small amount of savings, unexpected costs jump out of me!
Tomorrow, I need to write a testimonial for my therapist. I’ve decided that it isn’t the right thing for me at the moment for personal reasons, but I do want to express how much what we did do helped me. Trying to find positives whilst I was in the midst of recovering from the surgery initially wasn’t easy but it definitely made me feel more grateful and able to accept where I was. That’s tomorrow’s job – now I need to log off and try to relax so that I can get some sleep.
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